St. Bernardus Abt 12

If we were skiing down a black diamond hill in the Alps and we hit a tree trunk and blacked out unconscious and woke up buried in a snowdrift with no use of our legs and an aneurysm that was slowly filling our skull with blood, it would all be A-OK if only a St. Bernard rescue dog was standing over us with a barrel of St. Bernardus Abt. 12 around his neck, the spigot frothing forth.

This premium Belgian brewery, with its tagline “Heavenly nectar within reach,” churns out biggy ABV bubble brews with extremely high fermentation levels, meaning fruity and yeasty kicks — OG Belgians to be sure. Pouring these bastards takes foreverrrrrrrr, just cuz the froth is so kicked up. The wait, however, is worth it.

The Abt 12, St. Bernardus’ highest achievement and priciest export, is a smooth and crisp but extremely dark ivory-colored pinnacle of traditional brewing. There are notes of ripe bananas and lemons and a yeasty, earthy nose. The taste is like pure gold looted from the layman by dirty, stinking drunks of the cloth. The irony is this shit is so good, we'd be giving ourselves concussions just to be rescued.

Dairy Pairy: Aragones
Soundtrack: Darkane’s Rusted Angel