Como se dice "Chips?"

In Scotland there are entire eateries devoted to battering and deep frying pre-fab foods from chocolate bars to individual frozen pizzas. This truly encapsulates the seemingly-American-only-drive-to-obliterate-the-body through sumptuous trans fat overload.The third facet to the first No-Drive menagerie is likewise insane--an all fried plate. Instead of deep fat fried calamities like snickers bars and sausages, we took the three noblest of roots and cooked them to a crisp. Gracing your smorgasbord of psychotic saturated indulgence: sweet potato chips, fingerling frites, and pink tempura'd baby beets. Now would be the time to peruse our archives for ketchup recipes.

5 cups canola oil (or grape seed oil)
1 sweet potato
4 fingerling potatoes
6 baby beets, skinned and trimmed of leaves and stems
1/4 cup beet water (see below)
1 cup tempura batter

1. Heat a large pot of boiling salted water to boil. When bubbling vigorously, drop the baby beets in and blanch for ten minutes. Remove from the pot and cool them with ice cold water. Reserve 1/4 cup of the water used to blanch the beets, it should be dark purple in color, set aside to cool.

2. Using a mandolin, or the sharpest knife in your drawer, slice the sweet potatoes super thin. place in a bowl of cold water and agitate until the water turns cloudy. Drain the sweeties and repeat this process two more times. By rinsing away excess starch you will obtain a crisper product in the end.

3. Scrub the fingerlings and half them length wise, then cut into long strips about 1/4" thick. repeat the same process as above.

4. Heat the canola oil in a large wok on medium heat for five minutes.

5. While the oil comes up to temperature, place the tempura batter in a small bowl and ad the reserved beet water bit by bit, until the batter has a consistency that is movable but still very thick: you're shooting for a pancake viscosity, not crepe batter. Place the now cooled beets in the tempura batter and coat thoroughly.

6. Fry each vegetable in shifts, being SUPER CAREFUL to pat dry both the sweat potato chips and the fingerling frites with paper towels. Extremely hot oil hates cold water, and your skin hates errant beads of molten fat. Use a metal spatula or tongs to turn each root so it browns on all sides. Once nice and browned remove from the oil and pat dry with paper towels. Serve with appropriate accoutrements (beer is necessary).