July 2006 Archives

Here's a subject that I've been mulling over a while. In fact, it was what got me interested in starting the blog in the first place. But the trouble is...it's a little hard to tell you about. Because we love and value all our customers, our supporters, without whom there wouldn't even be a Half & Half. So when I tell you about this, don't take it personally, because it's not you: I'm talking about someone else. I'm talking about the guy (or lady) (that isn't you!) who talks too much. The guy/girl who, despite the number of customers who might walk in the door while he's talking, does not stop, but might begin speaking louder in case we can't hear. This person could be someone I have never seen before, or a regular, or someone who normally keeps to themselves but for some reason has chosen this moment to open up, to tell you a story about their housemate, to share a complaint about their boss. And I am very much interested, entertained, amused and/or sympathetic, until I realize that have about a thousand things to do right at this moment. I will try subtlety, like offering a conclusive, "well! you know!" as a sort of Wrap-It-Up tool. I will make eye contact with the other customers, in the hopes that the compulsive talker will notice there are others in line. And then I get mad. I try to hide it, but I am not hiding it very well, because as this person is following me around my very small work area, continuing with a story which I am no longer hearing, a voice echoes in my head, "shut the fuck up! shut the fuck up! Let me work! Please, let me do my work!" Sometimes, the talker will pause as to allow me to help other people, or answer the phone. But after the break, it feels awkward even to me to not make some acknowledgment that clearly they are not done conversing, so lo and behold, we are back where we started.

I often ask myself, what is this phenomenon? Is it the "service" aspect that allows people take a narcissistic plunge, or is it from loneliness, or are these people high? Aside from the momentary rage when my patience craps out, I don't dislike any of these people. Some are really good friends. Which then makes me wonder if I am the asshole. Really, I believe it is all these things. More often than they don't, people want to talk about themselves. It's the most natural thing in the world (hello! read my blog!) And I would be no good at my job if I weren't interested in people, listening to as well as entertaining them. I know that more than a few times, or a few times a day, I force customers to listen and comment on my tales of mirth and woe, and they are as much a captive audience when I am making their latte, as I am when I'm waiting for their $2.65. My defense: they get to leave. Everyone has their story, and we are all desperate to be heard above the cacophony, so we just talk louder. I wonder if this an effect of living in Portland, a city full of people who are so progressive and open, and so defensive of their personal space. I am going to be in New England next week--let's see what it's like for me on the other side of the counter. Fortunately, I already know all the warning signs if I find myself elaborating on "how am I today."

You may have recently noticed our expanding collection of mysterious animal figurines loitering on our counters. They are the masterpieces of Stephanie, a soon-to-be-former intern at ZGF, a big architecture firm a few blocks down from us. She has been making them on the office laser cutter, a mythological machine about which most layfolk only dream. Many architects and architectural interns frequent Half & Half, due to proximity and perhaps the appeal of a cluttered and chaotic atmosphere to either take them away from their offices, or make them feel better about going back to them. Stephanie goes back to finish her degree in Texas in two weeks, and we would miss her morning americanos and complaints about Portland weather even if she wasn't a laser-animal pusher. You never know what she's going to bring in. To date we have a sloth (the original figurine, known as Tip Sloth), 2 giraffe, an alpaca or Llama, a muskrat/meerkat thing, and an okapi (something between a giraffe and a zebra.) Apparently, laser animals are rampant at ZGF headquarters, so I'm not sure if Stephanie does any real work, but she appears to be smart, and her talent speaks for itself. We have had many a customer inquire as to how they might purchase one of Stephanie's animals; alas, they are not for sale. Stephanie is that rare creature who does not equate 'hobby' with 'business opportunity.' This makes our creatures all the more special, thus all the more vulnerable to theft and destruction (one of our giraffes has already lost a tongue and tail,) but we will display them for as long as they last. I am hoping for one more piece before Stephanie leaves, either a bird or a dog (or, dare to dream, a bird dog.)

Ok, they've been in for a couple of weeks and we haven't posted until now because 1) we've been busy with caterings and training new Half & Half associates 2) we're also lazy, for which there is no excuse and 3) we never remember to bring our camera with us to work. But now that temperatures are breaking into the hundreds, what better time to announce that our beer koozies, can coolers, whatever you want to call them, have arrived.

Behold. Four colors, all very 2006 and beyond. Designed to fit into the back pocket of utilitarian jeans or dungarees. Ultra lightweight, with superior insulation properties so that your cans and bottles don't lose their cool. Original design by Justin "Scrappers" Morrison. All this for only $4 a piece. Can you put a price on happiness? No, but for $4, you're close enough.

July features perhaps the trippiest art show the Half & Half has ever hosted; a bold statement, but one by which we will stand. The artist is David Wien, who managed to finish these pencil-on-paper fantasy-scapes in time to get down to the Oregon Country Fair. These photos don't do the justice, but you can check out more images here (maybe, my linking capabilities are still rather primitive.)

When we booked David, I was expecting psychedelic paintings saturated with color, but its absence allows you to sink a little deeper into the trippiness of the drawings. Think Hindu mysticism meets errily skilled high school hessier art, but with very Portland 2006.

As you may already know, our beloved Donut Man made good on his threat to quit the donut game. June 30th was indeed the last day of Donut Queen donuts, and we said good bye with a warm handshake, well-wishes, and promises of visting the new pizza venture. The last day's donuts were fine--although I can admit now that there had been a noticeable quality issues over the last six months, and we were ready to move on to better donuts.

The next day, July 1st, Jeff and I went by the Donut Queen to say goodbye once more. It was their last day of business, and they were trying to use up the remainder of thier inventory, like sprinkles. There were many sprinkle donuts. Donut Man was happy to see us, especially Jeff, with whom he loves to talk sports and politics. Donut Man then offered us some fresh donuts, still warm, Krispy Kreme style. Let me tell you. This warm raised glazed donut was sublime, and like a great wine or cheese, it actually had notes: a yeasty, brioche tone followed by the county-fair fritter nuttiness, ending with a hint of lemon blossom and cotton candy as you licked the glaze off your fingers. It's a shame that he gave up, but he did manage to serve up one of the best fried foods I have ever put to my lips, a parting gift I will treasure forever.

But Donut Man or no, Half & Half needs donuts. We discovered Delicious Donuts, a new donut bakery located at the very sketchy corner of Grand and Burnside, right next to the Plaid Pantry. The Delicious Donut gang is also Vietnamese, very friendly and slightly more business oriented than The Donut Queen. And their donuts are special. They are super-fresh and considerably more substantial than the Queen's. The maple frosting is really different, and I honestly can't tell which one I like better (oh, maybe that's because I generally hate maple frosting) but I am so intrigued with the maple-frosted-cream-filled, and it keeps selling before I can justify trying one. Right now my favorite is the crumb. It's the little-black dress of donuts. And the crumbs are actual crumbs! When we get to know each other a little better I'd like to see if they might make my all time favorite, the chocolate-creme filled. But they can't just fill it with a cheap chocolate filling. What it really has to be is a good chocolate pudding folded into whipped cream, then piped into the donut, then coated with powdered sugar... ok, maybe for my birthday.