How we get our floors so sparkling clean...

First, create an atmosphere of chaos: consume either too much coffee, or don't have any, as will contribute to your least effective performance. Then, make sure you schedule deliveries of produce, dairy, cheese and meats from 3 different distributers to arrive within the same half-hour window of a friday morning. Make sure you've ordered 6 cases of Lurisia Sparkling water, in 500ml and 1 liter sizes. San Pellegrino or any other expensive, imported water can be substituted, so long as it's in glass bottles. Stack these, along with a case of #10 can of italian plum tomatoes on top of a unstable box containing 4 gallons of pickle slices. These pickles should have been put away two days ago, but they're an essential component to the cleaning process. After you have made your row of boxes about 5 ft high, start making a good-morning sandwich. When an unsuspecting customer leaves the restroom, the current of air created by the door will be enough for the pickle box to buckle underneath the weight of the fragile inventory, sending about $75 worth (wholesale) of imported sparkling water plunging to the floor. The impact of the fall will be enough to shatter 90% of the contents of the boxes stacked highest from the floor. This will create a puddle of imported sparkling water about 6 feet in diameter, roughly half the size of our cafe. The noise of the fall will also alarm customers, some of whom may never return, but it's a small price to pay for sparkling floors. Once you've swept most of the broken glass, you should have several microscopic shards imbedded in your skin--you'll continue to find them throughout the day. Get out the mop and bucket and generally distribute the water around, then thank fucking God it wasn't 3 cases of anything containing sugar, just expensive water, and admire your shiny clean floor.