Rock and Roll Music: October 2004 Archives

The two front dudes have beards. The drummer dude doesnt have a beard but his last name is BEARD. For real. They just played at Madison Square Garden at the republican national convention. But really, what band could turn down a gig at the Gardens, huh?

Just to get things started, here are the lyrics to one of my favorite ZZ Top songs "Cheap Sunglasses":

" When you get up in the morning and the light is hurt your head
The first thing you do when you get up out of bed
Is hit that streets a-runnin' and try to beat the masses
And go get yourself some cheap sunglasses
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Spied a little thing and I followed her all night
In a funky fine levis and her sweater's kind of tight
She had a west coast strut that was as sweet as molases
But what really knocked me out was her cheap sunglasses
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

(solo)

Now go out and get yourself some big black frames
With the glass so dark thay won't even know your name
And the choice is up to you cause they come in two classes:
Rhinestone shades or cheap sunglasses
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah"

How many people HAVENT felt like that, huh? Sun glasses are universally cool.

Can you think of any other songs about awesome sunglasses, except for that wack-ass "Sunglasses at Night" bullshit?: the answer is NO!

Only ZZ Top could do it, because they are the greatest band that ever existed or ever will exist. They have taken their truth vision across the galexy in their magical flying lowrider. They have shown the children of the world:

-they tell boys what their mother could never get through theur heads: that women appreciate sharp dressed men: legit
-a little phaser on an old blues riff: legit
-mystic southern wizards whose magic car keys can get any dork laid by feather-haired hotties: legit
-picture of 100,000 fans at your show with the caption "an old fashioned texas BBQ": legit
-the psychedelic-waver-prog sleeper with pitch shifted vocals (predating ween by a good 10 years) about an crazy monster that will drag race you with his 'coon-tuned' 'vet known as "Manic Mechanic": fucking legit
-"slip inside my sleeping bag": legit
-fur covered spinning guitars: fucking legit
-a blues song about a girl who wants you to cum on her neck called "Pearl Necklace": kinda weird
-bringing traditional blues vibrations to the new wave crazed MTV generation: legit

The deeper you get into their lyrics, the weirder it gets:
"I met a shiek from Mozambique
who led me to the Congo.
He dreamed to go to Mexico
and sample a burrito."
Wha???

My old college buddy Dan, now doing time as an anthropologist in ethiopia getting ass-worms and getting drunk, has always wanted to start a ZZ Top cover band called Chocolate Cherry. I've always wanted to be in this band, but he will NEVER let me. i dont think he wants anyone who actually plays music to be in the band, just him and our other buddy Sean drunk at a party banging senslessly on instruments while slurringthe lyrics to "Tush" into an overdriven microphone as if it were a long lost Jandek classic. but seeing as Dan and Sean are both stuck in grad school for the rest of their dwindling youth, like a couple of sissy boys, the chances of this actually happening are about as slim as having ZZ Top throw them the magic keys to their magic wizard flying lowrider.

ZZ Top are OG beard-core. They made a guitar out of a piece of Muddy Water's shack and called it muddywood and took the guitar on tour to raise money for a delta blues museum: deeper.

This is what their own website has to say: "Since its formation in 1969, ZZ TOP has been recognized as....the most iconic American band of all time". I would propose an addition: ZZ Top are and forever shall be the Greatest Band of All Time.