Guest Writer: Andrew Peterson
Cheaper By The 10,000: A Pitchformula Guide to Music

Today's entry is penned by one of my favorite writers, conceptual comedies, and sound architect(!), the man helming this beauty of a blog, the great Andrew Peterson.

For two weeks in the summer of 2003, I fancied myself a sailor in the dregs of modern American filmmaking. It was a dark and dank back alley of focus groups, surveys and an indomitable drive to the lowest common denominator. And yet, somehow, it got me believing in America again.

You see, there exists the common notion that major motion pictures are made by stiff collared, culture deaf businessmen, with dollar signs emblazoned on their sight dead eyeballs. They are the nameless, faceless messengers of the Studio. They are rich, cruel men, with ties to the pharmaceutical industry. This just isn't true. In fact, major motion pictures are made by you and me.

You and Me and Research Data Design (RDD).

RDD is a marketing and consumer research firm based in Portland, Oregon. They hired me that glorious summer to work from midnight to 6am, Monday through Friday, processing surveys. These surveys were filled out by thousands of individuals in hundreds of focus groups. In shopping malls, at free movie screenings, or in the privacy of their own homes, these people put their hearts and souls on paper. They made choices (roughly 10,000 choices) which were then organized into neat little columns by me, and sent back to the studio by RDD.

Together, we wrote, directed and produced Cheaper By The Dozen.

"So it goes in America," I thought, clutching my Styrofoam jacketed company coffee. I rubbed my eyes, looked at the ceiling, and tried to remember which label to put on comments about Heath Ledger.

Welcome to the New Democratic Republic of Cinema.

So, too, goes the constitutional creed of University of Chicago student Loren Jan Wilson's B.A. project: Pitchformula. Wilson's project combines a love for popular music reviews with a love for statistical analysis and computer databases.

"By writing software to statistically analyze the content of several thousand record reviews from the Pitchfork music website," writes Wilson, I generate a set of compositional guidelines based on the musical preferences expressed by the critics. I then use those guidelines to write and record a couple of original songs, discussing in detail the relationships between the songs and the data that I have collected."

Effectually, Wilson has made his own little Cheaper By the Dozen, albeit without Steve Martin.

Now, here's the rub. People are dumb. Right?

"Wrong."

The voice you've just heard is that of New Yorker columnist James Surowiecki,, recent author of the book The Wisdom of Crowdsan "endlessly fascinating book [that] explores a deceptively simple idealarge groups of people are smarter than an elite few, no matter how brilliant."

Surowiecki finds that crowds are better at problem solving, innovation, decision-makingreally the entire spectrum of intellectual and creative thought processes.

Now, this is where the America part comes in. These large groups are what America is all about. Democracy in action. Each individual votes, and his or her vote is (sometimes) counted. The result is a compendium of choices, signed into being as law, for everyone to enjoy.

If you believe America is the greatest country in the world, then Mr. Wilson's formulas must truly be considered the Greatest Band of All Time. Not the songs. Not the Pitchfork reviewsafter all, there are only a handful of schlubs writing those things. No, no, I want theidea. Because, taken to its penultimate extrapolate, Wilson's idea is about making music based on the suggestions of infinitely many persons. Focus groups, surveys, and that inevitable lowest common denominatorall the trappings of greatness.

The New Democratic Republic of Music, and still no Steve Martin. Just you, and me and Pitchformula.

Now, let me get something straight. I hated Cheaper By The Dozen. I will never watch it again. I don't particularly love the songs Wilson composed with his formula. All I'm saying is that if you don't like this stuff, then you are a communist.

Here in America we have something called Democracy and another thing called Choice. These are the great tenants of our great and powerful nation, and only art fully including them can be considered truly American.

So, Pitchformula.com, I salute you. Patriot, soldier, great considerer. The masses have spoken, and you are, truly, The Greatest Band of All Time.