Welcome to my website, a tribute to competitive eating's Eater X, Tim Janus. Here you'll find a combination of frivolous news, rumor and speculation, and creative writings about Eater X, whaling, and all things maritime. The website is simple and bareboned, a reflection of my humble whaling background, and the template is brown, like the parchment upon which any true whaler writes. To contact me, place a message inside of a bottle and drop it into the ocean, or call the IFOCE.

I like ships, big ones in particular, I'm quick with a length of rope, I have strong sea legs, and I stink of rum and sweat.

March 13, 2008:
Return to Hot Dog City: The Story of Hot Dog Bank

March 3, 2008:
The Krachie Papers, Part 1

February 14, 2008:
How To: Make Envious the Object of Your Unrequited Love

February 14, 2007:
Please Help Eater X's Mom.

February 5, 2007:
Excuse Me?

November 27, 2006:
Hypocrisy

November 10, 2006:
The Whaler Reviews a Restaurant

October 15, 2006:
The Krystal Squareoff: Jackson, MS

October 9, 2006:
A Plaintive Whale, er, Wail from Eater X

October 3, 2006:
A Play

March 2008

February 2008

February 2007

November 2006

October 2006

August 2006

June 2006

May 2006

April 2006

March 2006

February 2006

January 2006

December 2005

November 2005

The Krachie Papers, Part 1

From March 3, 2008

Ed Krachie is no ordinary human being. He is an insightful and articulate author, researcher, and amateur scientist whose essays have been enthusiastically rejected by esteemed publications worldwide. Here, in his latest scientific masterpiece, recently rejected by the International Journal of Game Theory, Ed Krachie further demonstrates his mastery of the obvious. Go get 'em, Ed.

Game Strategy in Two-Person Price Is Right-style Bidding Game

Section 1: Opponent Bids First

Opponent bids $X. You think that's too high. Bid $1.

Opponent bids $X. You think that's too low. Bid $X + 1.

Opponent bids $0. Ask him if he's feeling okay.

Section 2: You Bid First

Listen to the audience.

<< | Posted on March 3, 2008 at 9:35 PM | >>

Comments (11):

Wowza. Let me tell you about that hangover. A couple ole rusty nails and the next thing you know you're committed. In Omaha. I don't know how many cases I lost while I was trying to sort my way out of that mess. By the way, strait jackets are fashionable, you just wear them loose and work it for all its worth. I might wear mine to the bar tonight, but not before I expose that Veep scoundrel from India. His corporation never paid me for the private dick work I did on a certain roundish Indian tourist. Let's just say the guy was running an illegal poisonous frog venom service. Not to mention he was playing both sides and selling poisonous frog darts. The rub - them frogs were as poisonous as a popcorn fart in sawdust factory. What a slub. And then ole master of his corporation won't pay up. I tell ya its black and white, night and day, apples and flashlights. You sir, will be hearing from my attorney...if he still represents me and I can locate him. Where's my wallet? Dang it!

Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ March 6, 2008 2:09 PM

I may have gotten ahold of some bad poisionous frog venom. Also, I was bitten by a snake.

Posted by The Intrepid Traveler @ March 6, 2008 2:11 PM

Icing it.

Posted by dancing fool @ March 7, 2008 11:20 AM

I GET SOMETHING FOR YOU

CURE YA RIGHT QUIK

WHAT YOU KNOW

Posted by Dale Buddha @ March 7, 2008 11:22 AM

The Snake Oil Salesmen Frog Venom Verification Independant Bureau would advise any travelers from accepting "knock-off" poisonous frog venom. We also authenticate snake venom, but that costs extra. Blue light special on Hamster venom march 13th - 18th.

Posted by S.O.S.F.V.V.I.B @ March 7, 2008 11:26 AM

"God is Dead!"
-Niechze

"The Shrimper is Dead"
-Nachez

Posted by Nachez the Philosophical @ March 7, 2008 11:29 AM

is the shrimper dead?

Posted by autotonomous @ March 10, 2008 11:47 AM

Donde es mi amigo?

Posted by jefe @ March 10, 2008 11:50 AM

It is my understanding that Mr. Dooley has taken an advisory postion with the aforementioned Lackadasleep Indian company. My bag is backed as I now am on the case. Not exactly, that case nor the one with the frilly roses on the outside, the mesh pockets on the inside, and the ding in the corner from a rare Bald Eagle attack (A Patriotic attack, however, that was no commie pinko bird) and the stolen rainbow shoulder strap (Stolen by the TSA no doubt, with my smuggled bon bons). Nope, the SOSFVVIB or sosfvvib for short, has hired me to investigate a rash of, well, rashes from snake bites. And the nefarious faux anti-venom trade. I am begining to think Dooley may know where to locate this Dale Buddha. Off to pack my breast milk pumping station for the long trip...

Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ March 13, 2008 6:28 AM

Oh, for those of you keeping score at home. My information leads me to believe that the Shrimper is dead, perishing in a rare apple juice fire that engulfed his boat during a coup to oust Fidel from power and replace him with Castro Intestinal. My source on the inside (Cocky Fightin Guttierez - and that is his real name)indicated that the coup was successful, Fidel stepped down, but Castro Intestinal was not present to take the crown so they gave it to Fidel's brother (so as not to have to change the office nameplates). Oddly, enough it was discovered later that Castro's Intestinal's first name and Fidel's last are the same, thus the whole transition could have taken place as scheduled. Lobster Larry's whereabouts are unknown, but if I know that forearm missing simpleton, he survived the apple juice tanker fire and is probably holed up in a hole...or taken on some improbable high ranking job with Cuba's government and is rising to the level of his mediocrity. God save the queen. Queen takes rook. Where are my meds? I must pack for India, let's hope the hamsters aren't biting this time of year. Every been bit by a hamster? Oh it stings.

Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ March 13, 2008 6:36 AM

"It is better to walk a mile than to jump to conclusions"

-Nachez

Posted by Nachez the Philosophical @ March 13, 2008 6:39 AM

Post a comment:




Remember Me?

(you may use HTML tags for style)