The Krachie Papers, Part 1
Ed Krachie is no ordinary human being. He is an insightful and articulate author, researcher, and amateur scientist whose essays have been enthusiastically rejected by esteemed publications worldwide. Here, in his latest scientific masterpiece, recently rejected by the International Journal of Game Theory, Ed Krachie further demonstrates his mastery of the obvious. Go get 'em, Ed.
Game Strategy in Two-Person Price Is Right-style Bidding Game
Section 1: Opponent Bids First
Opponent bids $X. You think that's too high. Bid $1.
Opponent bids $X. You think that's too low. Bid $X + 1.
Opponent bids $0. Ask him if he's feeling okay.
Section 2: You Bid First
Listen to the audience.
Wowza. Let me tell you about that hangover. A couple ole rusty nails and the next thing you know you're committed. In Omaha. I don't know how many cases I lost while I was trying to sort my way out of that mess. By the way, strait jackets are fashionable, you just wear them loose and work it for all its worth. I might wear mine to the bar tonight, but not before I expose that Veep scoundrel from India. His corporation never paid me for the private dick work I did on a certain roundish Indian tourist. Let's just say the guy was running an illegal poisonous frog venom service. Not to mention he was playing both sides and selling poisonous frog darts. The rub - them frogs were as poisonous as a popcorn fart in sawdust factory. What a slub. And then ole master of his corporation won't pay up. I tell ya its black and white, night and day, apples and flashlights. You sir, will be hearing from my attorney...if he still represents me and I can locate him. Where's my wallet? Dang it!
I may have gotten ahold of some bad poisionous frog venom. Also, I was bitten by a snake.
Icing it.
I GET SOMETHING FOR YOU
CURE YA RIGHT QUIK
WHAT YOU KNOW
The Snake Oil Salesmen Frog Venom Verification Independant Bureau would advise any travelers from accepting "knock-off" poisonous frog venom. We also authenticate snake venom, but that costs extra. Blue light special on Hamster venom march 13th - 18th.
"God is Dead!"
-Niechze
"The Shrimper is Dead"
-Nachez
is the shrimper dead?
Donde es mi amigo?
It is my understanding that Mr. Dooley has taken an advisory postion with the aforementioned Lackadasleep Indian company. My bag is backed as I now am on the case. Not exactly, that case nor the one with the frilly roses on the outside, the mesh pockets on the inside, and the ding in the corner from a rare Bald Eagle attack (A Patriotic attack, however, that was no commie pinko bird) and the stolen rainbow shoulder strap (Stolen by the TSA no doubt, with my smuggled bon bons). Nope, the SOSFVVIB or sosfvvib for short, has hired me to investigate a rash of, well, rashes from snake bites. And the nefarious faux anti-venom trade. I am begining to think Dooley may know where to locate this Dale Buddha. Off to pack my breast milk pumping station for the long trip...
Oh, for those of you keeping score at home. My information leads me to believe that the Shrimper is dead, perishing in a rare apple juice fire that engulfed his boat during a coup to oust Fidel from power and replace him with Castro Intestinal. My source on the inside (Cocky Fightin Guttierez - and that is his real name)indicated that the coup was successful, Fidel stepped down, but Castro Intestinal was not present to take the crown so they gave it to Fidel's brother (so as not to have to change the office nameplates). Oddly, enough it was discovered later that Castro's Intestinal's first name and Fidel's last are the same, thus the whole transition could have taken place as scheduled. Lobster Larry's whereabouts are unknown, but if I know that forearm missing simpleton, he survived the apple juice tanker fire and is probably holed up in a hole...or taken on some improbable high ranking job with Cuba's government and is rising to the level of his mediocrity. God save the queen. Queen takes rook. Where are my meds? I must pack for India, let's hope the hamsters aren't biting this time of year. Every been bit by a hamster? Oh it stings.
"It is better to walk a mile than to jump to conclusions"
-Nachez