Welcome to my website, a tribute to competitive eating's Eater X, Tim Janus. Here you'll find a combination of frivolous news, rumor and speculation, and creative writings about Eater X, whaling, and all things maritime. The website is simple and bareboned, a reflection of my humble whaling background, and the template is brown, like the parchment upon which any true whaler writes. To contact me, place a message inside of a bottle and drop it into the ocean, or call the IFOCE.

I like ships, big ones in particular, I'm quick with a length of rope, I have strong sea legs, and I stink of rum and sweat.

February 14, 2008:
How To: Make Envious the Object of Your Unrequited Love

February 14, 2007:
Please Help Eater X's Mom.

February 5, 2007:
Excuse Me?

November 27, 2006:
Hypocrisy

November 10, 2006:
The Whaler Reviews a Restaurant

October 15, 2006:
The Krystal Squareoff: Jackson, MS

October 9, 2006:
A Plaintive Whale, er, Wail from Eater X

October 3, 2006:
A Play

August 9, 2006:
The Seven Days of Creation

June 29, 2006:
Eater X on Hot Dog City: A Wonderful Place to Live

February 2008

February 2007

November 2006

October 2006

August 2006

June 2006

May 2006

April 2006

March 2006

February 2006

January 2006

December 2005

November 2005

Please Help Eater X's Mom.

From February 14, 2007

A message from Tim Janus.

I want a kidney. Not for me. Not for dinner. But for my mom because hers are failing.

You can help if you pass this information on to people you know or if you'd consider undergoing laparoscopic surgery* to donate one of your kidneys. First, however, it's important that you understand that Transplant Ethics and Law require that neither I, nor anyone, give you anything in return for your generous intention and the gift of life you are giving when you give your kidney. Your transplant expenses would be covered, but the gift must be freely given.

My mother is a good person, a caring friend to many and a therapist who helps others cope with life’s challenges and make positive changes in their lives. I can't begin to adequately express my admiration and love for her. It exceeds anything of which many of you would think me capable. Now she needs a living kidney, and neither my sister nor I are good matches for her.

To be a donor you need to be a generally healthy adult with Type “O” blood, who has not had any of the following health problems:
Cancer
Diabetes
Elevated blood pressure (although elevated cholesterol may not be a problem)
Serious heart problems, such as previous heart attack or use of stents.

If you're interested in becoming a donor, please contact my mom at lucindakidney@sbcglobal.net and tell her that you’d like more information. If you find that you'd like to continue, she'll have the Transplant Donor Coordinator contact you. The Coordinator will ask you questions about your interest in donating and about your health. All your answers will be held in strict confidence.

The Transplant Coordinator can make an appointment for you to have a free blood test. If you're from outside Connecticut, she'll mail you several vials to be taken to a laboratory near you for use when your blood is drawn. The tests will be paid for by my mom’s insurance, except for the small charge of having a lab technician draw your blood. Instructions will come with the vials.

Because kidney donation requires a careful evaluation and that the donor travels to my mom’s hospital in Connecticut, donor candidates should be living in the United States.

Thank you for your generosity in considering giving this lifesaving gift.


*Laparoscopic surgery has made donating a kidney far easier than it had been in the past. Today a kidney donor can expect a couple of days in the hospital, a couple of very small scars, and couple of weeks at home away from work to fully recover. Most donors are back to their normal routines within 2-3 weeks. The surgery does not impact one's quality of life or life expectancy. Statistically, childbirth is six times as dangerous as laparoscopic kidney surgery.

And please, if anyone would link his or her own website to this story, I'll thank you very much.

<< | Posted on February 14, 2007 at 8:51 AM | >>

Comments (25):

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I'm not a type O, but I'll pass this along. She'll find someone for sure.

Posted by Liz @ February 14, 2007 3:33 PM

Wrong blood type and wrong country, but I've blogged, bulletinned and boarded the message on. Wishing your mom the very best of luck for a suitable kidney and a speedy recovery.

Posted by Berenice @ February 15, 2007 5:22 AM

I'll blog it as well and spread the word however I can. Good luck to you and your mom. All those years of feeding you couldn't have been easy, so she definitely deserves all the help and support she can get during this difficult time.

Posted by Mega Munch @ February 15, 2007 7:55 AM

We'll be praying for your Mom! Ya'll keep your heads up I'm positive someone will come through for her.

Posted by Bubba @ February 15, 2007 8:39 AM

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I wish you all the best.

Posted by KevinRoss @ February 15, 2007 10:41 AM

Just back from the Brazillain Bush and man was that a pleasant trip. Mr Dooley gave me some special root that I disolved in hot water and man, was I flying, while I was flying. By the time I landed in Dulles with all those cargo animals I was still flying.Heck, I'm flying now...I can see colors and shapes and two vacumn cleaners. Ahhhh. This is so much better than The Shrimpers boat. I think you get the idea, man, and its bringing me down. Somewhere deep in communist cuba is castro intestinal and his weird soup loving pal, Edgar. As for The Shrimper and Lobster Larry, I think they are setting that Custard Baby loose on the world and we are all done for. There is a telegram from Petersen who is now calling himself The Noseless, but I can't bare to open it because my hands have turned into flippers. I think I will take a quick nap.

Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ February 26, 2007 12:06 PM

i'm really sorry to hear that,but may i can help yau. i want to sell my kidney and my blood type "O". but now i living at Indonesia. if you interest yau can contact m,e at ikh1_muslim@yahoo.co.id 0r call me 085959939076

Posted by hendro @ March 3, 2007 8:32 AM

hello. i'm sorry. by this posted message i want to tell you that i can't sell my kidney, but i will give my kidney to your mom free. so what you wait for. call me quickly.

Posted by hendro @ March 4, 2007 6:09 AM

hey Hendro, did you give this dudes mom yo kidney o what!

Posted by dat nigga pat @ March 25, 2007 8:45 PM

I admire your fire and conviction, youngin'.

Posted by The Whaler @ March 27, 2007 8:00 AM

I have been called away to another case and it sent me around the globe. Actually, it sent me to Globe, Antartica...and boy, are my arms tired. I have the pyschic walkthrough results from Atlantic City, Petersen the Noseless' telegram, and a scrawled message on a piece of sushi seaweed that came in a plastic Japanese coffee milk bottle. I will have to get back to the case as soon as I find my bathrobe. It's violet.

Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ April 10, 2007 6:30 AM

VIA TELEGRAM:

You may detect the whiny sound of my voice is because I am noseless. I have no nose. I am also 7 1/2 months pregnant. I thought it was impossible (STOP) for a man to get pregnant, but these days anything is possible. I was aperently impregnanted by that horrible pudding blob that attacted me on the beach. Somehow through it's icky covering and slight anal probing...I don't know, I guess it did something and now I'm going to be a Dad (STOP) My lower back is so swollen and I can't even see my ass in a mirror because of the pregnancy. On the bright side, my stomach looks tight in comparision to the beer belly on my back and the ladies have been staring at me at the beach. I go for my first sonnagram at the end of the week. (STOP). Does anyone have any advice for me?

Posted by Petersen the Noseless @ April 16, 2007 6:48 AM

VIA TELEGRAM:

You may detect the whiny sound of my voice is because I am noseless. I have no nose. I am also 7 1/2 months pregnant. I thought it was impossible (STOP) for a man to get pregnant, but these days anything is possible. I was aperently impregnanted by that horrible pudding blob that attacted me on the beach. Somehow through it's icky covering and slight anal probing...I don't know, I guess it did something and now I'm going to be a Dad (STOP) My lower back is so swollen and I can't even see my ass in a mirror because of the pregnancy. On the bright side, my stomach looks tight in comparision to the beer belly on my back and the ladies have been staring at me at the beach. I go for my first sonnagram at the end of the week. (STOP). Does anyone have any advice for me?

Posted by Petersen the Noseless @ April 16, 2007 6:49 AM

VIA TELEGRAM:

You may detect the whiny sound of my voice is because I am noseless. I have no nose. I am also 7 1/2 months pregnant. I thought it was impossible (STOP) for a man to get pregnant, but these days anything is possible. I was aperently impregnanted by that horrible pudding blob that attacted me on the beach. Somehow through it's icky covering and slight anal probing...I don't know, I guess it did something and now I'm going to be a Dad (STOP) My lower back is so swollen and I can't even see my ass in a mirror because of the pregnancy. On the bright side, my stomach looks tight in comparision to the beer belly on my back and the ladies have been staring at me at the beach. I go for my first sonnagram at the end of the week. (STOP). Does anyone have any advice for me?

Posted by Petersen the Noseless @ April 16, 2007 6:49 AM

VIA TELEGRAM:

You may detect the whiny sound of my voice is because I am noseless. I have no nose. I am also 7 1/2 months pregnant. I thought it was impossible (STOP) for a man to get pregnant, but these days anything is possible. I was aperently impregnanted by that horrible pudding blob that attacted me on the beach. Somehow through it's icky covering and slight anal probing...I don't know, I guess it did something and now I'm going to be a Dad (STOP) My lower back is so swollen and I can't even see my ass in a mirror because of the pregnancy. On the bright side, my stomach looks tight in comparision to the beer belly on my back and the ladies have been staring at me at the beach. I go for my first sonnagram at the end of the week. (STOP). Does anyone have any advice for me?

Posted by Petersen the Pregnant @ April 16, 2007 6:50 AM

Petersen the Preggers is going to have the Custard Baby/Pudding Baby (stop)He is 8 1/2 months pregnant. He is thinking about a wedding shower (stop). Paternity is not in question (he, pregnant Petersen is the father) however rumor has it that Custard Baby has also impregnated Japanese Pop Star (don't stop). Calamity ensues. (and ya don't stop til the breaka dawn)

END

Posted by VIA TELEGRAM @ May 8, 2007 1:30 PM

LaMazze Class was really super today.

Posted by Petersen the Prenatal @ May 16, 2007 12:53 PM

LaMazze Class was really super today.

Posted by Petersen the Prenatal @ May 16, 2007 12:54 PM

Where is The Whaler? He doesn't write anymore?

Posted by The Kristina @ June 19, 2007 9:06 PM

Where is The Whaler? He doesn't write anymore?

Posted by The Kristina @ June 19, 2007 9:07 PM

I hope Eater X chokes too for the Harry Potter spoiler he did on national TV.

Kidding! Awesome sign!

Posted by @ July 5, 2007 4:44 PM

You are so kind. I love you.

Posted by @ July 7, 2007 8:38 PM

I hope you find a kidney soon.

Posted by @ July 9, 2007 9:24 AM

MY NAME IS MANOJ KUMAR. I AM INDIAN BORN 27 YEARS OLD BOY FROM PONDICHERRY INDIA .
IN WELL PHYSICAL HEALTH .MY BLOOD GROUP IS A+ POSSITVE.I AM WILLING TO DONATE MY 1 OF MY KIDNEY EXCHANGE OF MONEY.I AM SELLING MY KIDNEY DUT TO MY
FAMILY MONEYTARY PROBLEM.MONEY IS QUITE URGENT FEEDED FOR ME .IF YOU ACCEPT MY KIDNEY THIS WILL GREAT HELP TO ME AND MY FAMILY.
PLESE COPORATE ME TO SELL MY KIDNEY.
GOD BLESS YOU .
HAVE NICE DAY.
FROM :MANOJ KUMAR
TEL PH NO:0413 4207743
MOBILE NO:09443144628
EMAIL:laxminarayanarealestate@yahoo.co.in
PONDICHERRY-605013
INDIA

Posted by manoj kumar @ October 25, 2007 2:28 AM

As the Vice President of a large Indian Biotechnical Company whose research department spreads its studies across every field, discipline, and focus I think the above Kumar Manoj is Dale Boone. Any new posts coming up? We have someone tied up in the conference room that would like to reveal a few details about time travel, but out of deference to the sensitive nature of the above post's topic would rather wait until The Whaler returns to his usual spot-on otherworldy reporting. I'm off to a meeting.

Posted by The Veep from Lakshadweep @ February 7, 2008 8:50 AM

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