The Krystal Squareoff: Jackson, MS
From October 15, 2006
The following are the results of the Krystal Squareoff Qualifier in Jackson, MS, as reported by someone whose speech impediment manifests itself in his keystroke.
Foast Pwace: Cwazy Wegs Conti (38)
Second Pwace: Aw-toh-oh Wios (35)
Thode Pwace: Aywik Da Wed (32)
On-a-wa-boh Menshohn: Justoan Mih, (disquawified because of a wee-voh-soh of foh-chohn)
And da west, in no poh-tic-u-woh ohdoh:
Waywee McNe-oh
Day-moan Serignet (can't pwonounce it)
Ken Fed-oh-weegee
Myko Pahwahmen
Mike Witchohdson
Bwyan Sims
Joseph Zaydehwo
Jawn Wyohns
Antohnee Whitehead
Bih-wa Taywee
Taywee Bwown
Kwis Bawn-hought
Dustohn Shoh-wee
"Da Mississippi Muncho" Mowis Momolstein
<< | Posted on October 15, 2006 at 10:43 PM | >>
The Whaler must be thrilled!
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2006-10-17-iceland_x.htm
Posted by Tom Tuttle from Tacoma, Washington @ October 18, 2006 06:42 AM
I believe it was Dan "Matthew" Lerman, whose fine diplomatic oratory skills that he honed as a young legal upstart in the Catskills lead to the Whaling Ban being lifted. He did it and deserves thanks, but I don't think he wanted to bring attention to the fact that it was a favor for The Whaler. My newly hired research assistant broke the news on this one. She says Lerman is now at work on the widening of the Panama Canal. Bon Mot, Lerman, Bon Mot!
Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ October 23, 2006 07:25 AM
I don't understand people who kill whales. It is wrong, very wrong. The whale is a spectacular sensitive creature and deserves our respect. You are the filthy brut animal that kills God's creatures not the other way around.
Posted by Phillip @ October 25, 2006 07:48 AM
OHHHHH did I have to pee bad, did i miss anything.what konbayshi ate 54 hot dogs in 12 minutes ohhhhhhthat incredible.
Posted by Rip Van Tinkle @ October 30, 2006 06:08 AM
hmm... So am I the only one who doesn't know why Justin Mih was disqualified?
Posted by Brian @ October 30, 2006 06:36 AM
Dear Whaler,
I have that, "Yeah Yeah Yeah" song stuck in my head. I can't shake it. I hate when that happens, you get a song stuck in your head and it just won't go away. I don't even know the song or any lyrics, just the annoying chorus. What can I do, The Whaler, what should I do?
Sincerely,
Phillipe DeSarscon
Posted by Phillipe DeSarscon @ October 31, 2006 06:20 AM
I saw the mtv show with eater x and this is the only site I could find devoted to him. Its cool that a fan set it up, but maybe more pictures of him and his records would be cool. I like the mtv show and would watch more if it comes on. What is next for Eater X?
Posted by Edgar @ November 1, 2006 07:35 AM
Early reports indicate a very cautious future for Eat X. Whaler take note. I just recieved a blank disc in an unmarked envelope (except for the phrase, "Package made from 100% post-consumer recycled material") In it was the hamburger contest video and I have to say I am deeply concerned. It appears to me that Eat X was malciously assaulted prior to taking the stage. As he steps to the table you can see him wiping his bloodied mouth. Bloody hell, thats what the English say. I have the disc in the hands of Madame NaNumchuck, the world's foremost disc soothsayer and my downstairs neighbor. She is working on constructing who in the crowd, clocked Eater X and can psychically create a disc that shows it. I know the name that is on everyone's mind as to who punched eater x...Jenny Blumgarten-Stanley. SOrry, I meant The Shrimper...I was thinking of something else...I must away.
Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ November 1, 2006 07:42 AM
what is the corect term for what you do? I see that speedeater seems to be the most likely but i see that the website to it is not available anymore. I looked at the ifoe website and it just says eaters. What is correct? Also, what other websites should I go to?
Posted by Edgar @ November 1, 2006 12:10 PM
I dont believe it and im you cant believe it but its true when i saw it on tv how come eater x was all blood faced
Posted by YOu can't believe it @ November 1, 2006 02:53 PM
Is there a soup contest. when i like soup i like it alot and all the time?
Posted by Edgar @ November 2, 2006 07:43 AM
i am assume that i am not good enough for pro eating because i have not heard from the whaler if i am good enough. i tried to eat as much soup as i can. i eat at first but it is too hot and my mouth all burn up but it was good soup like with chicken but with bones. so i give the rightover soup to the cow but she just kick the bowl over. i try again much later when my mouth feels better but it is a soup i dont like. it has cow stomach pieces which are like sponge from bath. i try to eat as much cow sponge as i can but i make mess. please answer whaler, what did i do wrong?
Posted by Edgar @ November 7, 2006 06:38 AM
Yo Yo You. I have had enough. I'm announcing it right here, right now. I been in both leauges including a third that is so underground it don't appear on the internet so all you computer geeks cant even read about it. And that leauge was dope but now they in trouble with the law so they be cooling it for awhile. I am going back to roots and I dont care about your competitive eating. I am trying to head back to the fatherland of my youte and eat some pressed ham and chorizo in cuba. That's right suckers, I'm going to get back home and defect to the only eating leauge that matters...the cuban communist consumption peoples. That right and probably aint down with the CCCP because you all only think of american democratic eating. Screw you uncle sammy, I'm going for the pressed sammy contest to be held to honor my main man, fidel. As soon as I can get out of florida and to the island of paradise I'm defecting. I might stop an get some tips from Joe LaRue or Hall Hunt first, but then I'm Cuba-bound like Gooding JR. Look out suckas...bear and sickle.
Posted by Castro Intestinal @ November 7, 2006 06:51 AM
Yo Edgar. You seem like my kinda man and if you serious we can talk about the CCCP. Where you at? You near Florida? "Quel soupa mas buena" homeslice...that's what Fidel was talking about. How that sound to you. You woulda liked the underground league. You seen that movie Fight Club? It was like that cept you had to bring your own food and the first rule was, "Bring your own food" and the second rule was, "Don't talk about Eat Club" thats how it was different from the movie, they had that one as the first rule but it wasnt at Eat Club. Nah. And then people be eating all sorts of weird stuff in Eat Club, but you couldn't talk about it cause it was the second rule. Now that they gots busted an all I don't care and now that you an me is heading to see Fidel and join the CCCP that's all I care about. You wit me, Edgar. You like good soup like Fidel, yo!
Posted by Castro Intestinal @ November 7, 2006 11:49 AM
Yo Edgar. You seem like my kinda man and if you serious we can talk about the CCCP. Where you at? You near Florida? "Quel soupa mas buena" homeslice...that's what Fidel was talking about. How that sound to you. You woulda liked the underground league. You seen that movie Fight Club? It was like that cept you had to bring your own food and the first rule was, "Bring your own food" and the second rule was, "Don't talk about Eat Club" thats how it was different from the movie, they had that one as the first rule but it wasnt at Eat Club. Nah. And then people be eating all sorts of weird stuff in Eat Club, but you couldn't talk about it cause it was the second rule. Now that they gots busted an all I don't care and now that you an me is heading to see Fidel and join the CCCP that's all I care about. You wit me, Edgar. You like good soup like Fidel, yo!
Posted by Castro Intestinal @ November 7, 2006 11:50 AM
Edgar, if that is your real name, I caution you highly against involving yourself with the undergrund Eat Club or the CCCP, both of which I investigated at the bequest of an unnamed retired eater who then stiffed me on the bill. But what I learned scared the dickens out of me. And so should it you. Or it you show it should. Show me state...I'm sorry, what was the question again.
Posted by Gumshoe LaChance @ November 8, 2006 06:46 AM
Dear Whaler,
I only scroll these sites for the musical content. I couldn't but halp notice that moses news has gone techno. Do you think I would look good in stretch pants and a tube top?
Sincerely,
Phillipe DeScarson
Posted by Phillipe DeScarson @ November 8, 2006 06:49 AM
Edgar, I'm Castro not Castro like Fidel come on man. Your stupid american rankings mean nothing to me. Its 5:37 PM EST and even eaterfeats doesnt know that the new ranking have come out form the ifce. ha ha ha. Don't you know that when the CCCP ranking come out they will show the turd talent of the world. Edgar, can you get a boat? Where are you? Florida?
Posted by Castro Intestinal @ November 8, 2006 02:43 PM
I meant true talent, yo true talent. you idiots
Posted by Castro Intestinal @ November 8, 2006 02:44 PM
I am here on the corner by the home for the dead. where do i go? i found boat but very very small
Posted by Edgar @ November 9, 2006 07:08 AM
Sir,
I am sending missives to all non-medical food and liquid related bloggers. For the last year I have been working at the cubicle next to a co-worker who I would just assume to call stubborn office guy because I don't want anyone to know that I am online at work, nor offend stubborn office guy's wife (whom I've never met, but is a blogger herself). Stubborn office guy never washes his coffee mug, ever. At first it seemed sophmoric then silly, once I thought perhaps it was admirable (saving water, etc) but after I looked in the cup, I was disgusted. Sometimes the sides had brown smudges or the bottom was all black and brackish. It seemed at times a glowing mold was developing, but stubborn office guy just filled it up with his morning cup of java and left it be. He said hot beverages wash away everything and the staining was due to cheap porcelin. I don't really know, however, he hasn't looked very well the last few weeks (coughing, pale, sweaty, distended stomach, etc.) and I wonder if its his polluted never washed coffee cup. I have reached out to doctors, but as you can imagine in todays medical health care system, answers are not easy to get. So I am turning on to web bloggers who are knowledgable about foods or liquids. I was refered to this site to get in touch with the competitive food eater via Elmwood powdered beverages corp. which I understand sponsors Tim Janus. I hope that allthough this seems to be a dedicated fan site that perhaps Mr. Janus can provide some insight into the dangers of not washing one's cup and the illnesses that can result from it. I thank you. Must go now. The Boss.
Posted by co-worker of stubborn office guy @ November 9, 2006 10:29 AM
very cold all night. and rain too like ginga soup. no fidel.
Posted by Edgar @ November 10, 2006 07:15 AM
Yo Edgar what huggin city are you in, yo? Get off the corner and call me at 305.279.3409. You crazy fool. Well be eating soup in the CCCP soon enough. You wild hungry, that what Im call ya...the wild soup man. Phone it, I'm off the hook.
Posted by Castro Intestinal @ November 10, 2006 07:20 AM
Post a comment:
My god i thought lerman's grammar was the pitts until i read this. I think this reporter is beyond help.
Posted by anonymous @ October 16, 2006 09:33 PM