Welcome to my website, a tribute to competitive eating's Eater X, Tim Janus. Here you'll find a combination of frivolous news, rumor and speculation, and creative writings about Eater X, whaling, and all things maritime. The website is simple and bareboned, a reflection of my humble whaling background, and the template is brown, like the parchment upon which any true whaler writes. To contact me, place a message inside of a bottle and drop it into the ocean, or call the IFOCE.

I like ships, big ones in particular, I'm quick with a length of rope, I have strong sea legs, and I stink of rum and sweat.

August 09, 2006:
The Seven Days of Creation

June 29, 2006:
Eater X on Hot Dog City: A Wonderful Place to Live

June 21, 2006:
And in the Thirteenth Hour the Rising Sun Shall Set?

June 05, 2006:
Another Allegory?

June 01, 2006:
White Castle Is People!

May 24, 2006:
Scattershot Questions and Answers with Eater X

May 18, 2006:
An Allegory

May 12, 2006:
You're Invited...

May 09, 2006:
The Revenge of Eater X

April 28, 2006:
"A Moment of SILENCE! Please."

August 2006

June 2006

May 2006

April 2006

March 2006

February 2006

January 2006

December 2005

November 2005

Another Allegory?

From June 05, 2006

Oh, God! Please make Janus stop.


Michael Landon is my master.

He told me so in a dream.

He came to me while I slept and said, "You can rest now. Your job here is finished. You've been good."

It meant the world to me to receive his praise, and yet I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to be done. "But, Michael," I said. "It's not. My hair is not as long as yours. I have work yet left to do."

And Michael Landon laughed--not a hard laugh, not a mean laugh, not a smug laugh, but a chuckle, a confident, hearty, cheerful chuckle that made me think he knew better than I and made me feel young.

Michael Landon placed his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. "Son," he said. "Your hair will never be as long as mine. It's not as long as mine now, and if you grow yours longer, I will grow mine longer too. I'll be one step ahead of you always."

I raised my eyes to meet his because while he'd spoken, I'd cast mine toward the ground, unable to look him in the eye as an equal. "Well," I said, and I fumbled for the words to disprove him. "What if I were to, what if I were to, what if I were to cut your hair off while you slept? Why, then my hair would be longer than yours!"

And Michael Landon laughed again, but this second laugh was different. It didn't end of its own volition and trail off as the first one had, tired and ready to rest. He cut it off abruptly instead as if it hadn't been a laugh at all. And then he stared at me sternly and spoke to me firmly and tried, I think, to break my spirit. "But you can't cut it off. I'm a ghost!"

And my eyes got red and filled with water, and I looked at the ground and said, "Yes, Pa." And then I turned and ran away to the creek past the mill.


Editor's Note: If you need another study guide, just ask.

<< | Posted on June 05, 2006 at 5:05 AM | >>

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