Grilled Cheese Can Go Fuck Itself!

Grilled Cheese: (silence)

Eater X: Fucker.

Grilled Cheese: (more silence)

Eater X: I hate you. Fuckface.

Grilled Cheese: (silence)

Eater X: I would shoot you if I had a gun. You know that, right?

Grilled Cheese: (silence)

Eater X: I swear to God I'd do it.

Grilled Cheese: (silence)

Eater X: It'd be a musket, and I put a bayonette on the end of it and stab you first. It would hurt. And I wouldn't stab you just once or twice. I'd stab you a lot. Like maybe a thousand times. Maybe more. I don't know. I'd be so crazy, it's hard to assign an accurate number to it. I just know that when I'd finished stabbing you, you'd be flat pieces all over the ground. I'd probably stab you so thoroughly I'd split an atom.

Grilled Cheese: (silence)

Eater X: And then--oh, I don't know--I'd probably pee on you. That would humiliate you. I'd pee all over you and then stop for a second and then resume peeing on you, because I think it'd be fun to get your hopes up that I was done peeing on you and then dash them by peeing on you again. I'd pee all over you, in a bucket though, so that you'd have to sit in it after I'd finished. I might make you sit there for hours. In the sun! I might even pee on you a second time if I could. You know what? I would! I would pee on you a second time. I'd drink plenty of water to make sure that I could because peeing on you once wouldn't be enough. You should have to be peed on at least twice. And I won't promise you that I'd stop after the second time. I might pee on you for days. I might make it my mission to pee on you for five days straight. I might make it my mission to pee on you for six days. It's like my friend used to say, "If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly." And I would. I'd go all the way and pee on your for six days straight! In fact--you know what?--I resolve right here right now that if I were to pee on you, in a bucket, I'd pee on you for a full week. I'd buy a big bucket, a tall one, to make sure that I could pee on you forever if I wanted to. And maybe I'd put you and the pee in a jar afterward. Yes! Probably that'd be good. I'd put you in a jar with pee and then shoot you with the musket a few days later.

Grilled Cheese: (silence)

Eater X: But I wouldn't shit on you.