Dear Self,

When The Whaler's back in port and drunk at his favorite bar, he and the bartender Mary watch a lot of Dr. Phil on WBZ-4. Mary likes Dr. Phil because he's real and "tells like it is, Goddamnit!" The Whaler likes Dr. Phil because when Mary becomes engrossed in his show, she often loses count of how many drinks The Whaler's had. "What'd you have? Four today?" she'll ask him when she's closing out the register at the end of her shift at six.

"No, Mary. I think I had five. Better charge me for five," he'll answer back when, in fact, he's had ten and knows it.

"Well," she'll say, "because you're so honest, I'll only charge you for three! How's that sound?"

"Bless you, Mary," he'll say.

Though The Whaler's primary interest in Dr. Phil is as a distraction for Mary, more often than not he finds himself enjoying the program. He especially likes the episodes in which Dr. Phil encourages overweight people that the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to completely change their lifestyles. "Teach a man to fish..." he'll say to himself quietly as he smiles and remembers the old adage that rings particularly true for men of the sea. Some days, if he's had enough to drink, at the end of the show he'll tap his feet and bob his head and hum along to the electric guitar-led theme song.

In an episode that aired a few of months ago, Dr. Phil met with victims of violent crimes who were having difficulty moving on with their lives. He advised them as part of their therapy to write their fears down on paper in letters to themselves. At the time The Whaler didn't realize how important to his own life this advice would become, until a few days ago when he began to notice how worried Eater X is about the upcoming Goldenpalace.com Grilled Cheese Bowl.

"Eater X," The Whaler said to Eater X last week on a collect phone call made from a pay phone outside of a Gloucester bar. "I want you do me a favor."

Eater X listened politely to The Whaler as he explained what he'd seen on Dr. Phil and how he thought the same kind of therapy could help Eater X deal with his anxiety about The Grilled Cheese Bowl.

"But I'm not a writer," Eater X replied when The Whaler had finished his appeal. "What would I write about?"

The Whaler thought for a second before answering. "You don't have to be a writer," he said. "You just have to write a letter to yourself. You can write about anything, whatever's bothering you."

Eater X nodded, and The Whaler continued. "Do you remember how you felt after Joey Chestnut broke your grilled cheese record at the Arizona State Fair? Do you remember how hurt you were when you read the heading of the IFOCE's press release proclaiming that Joey had "Shatter[ed]" it? Do you remember what I said to you to try cheer you up?"

"Of course, I do," Eater X replied. "You said, 'Eater X, I'm not a dictionary, but I'm pretty sure that shattering a record is what you did in Nebraska when you ate 24% more than Sonya Thomas had ever eaten and the press release weakly stated that you had "Set" a world record.' You told me, 'Shattering isn't what Joey Chestnut did. He ate 4% more than you did. You shattered a record. Joey just fractured one.'"

The Whaler smiled. "And that's the kind of thing you can write about!" he said. "Whatever you're feeling, just get it out."

At the end of their conversation and with nothing to lose, Eater X agreed to write a letter to himself about everything that worried him about the contest coming up.

Below is a copy of that letter.

Dear Eater X,

Are you ready for The Grilled Cheese Bowl on February 1st?

I'm very nervous about it. I'm worried that it's going to disappoint me and that I'm going to disappoint myself. I was so proud of that record when I held it, and I've wanted so much to get it back, even though I know the odds against it are long. There isn't a contest on the calendar that would mean more to me to win. It would mean more to me than everything else I've ever done combined, and that's a scary feeling to have because if this contest means so much to me, I know it's going to break my heart.

The grilled cheese record I had wasn't like the other records I've got; it wasn't like anything else I've ever done. On that one day in Nebraska, I did something that every other elite eater had tried to do and couldn't, one, two, and sometimes even three times before at other grilled cheese contests around the country. In my life it's always been the other way around. I've always wished to achieve more than was reasonable to expect.

When I lost my record to Joey Chestnut back in October, I didn't know exactly how to feel. I was sad and I was angry because I'd lost the record, but I didn't know if I should be proud because Joey had barely broken it or angrier because he hadn't broken it by more. If he'd eaten 40 that day and crushed the record, at least I could have said to myself, "There was nothing you could have done differently. You're lucky he didn't go before you. You're lucky you held that record at all."

I'm nervous that already people are expecting me to eat more than I ate in Nebraska. I don't know how many I can eat. I don't think that performance was my best, but I don't know for sure that it wasn't. I'm scared that if I screw up and eat 29 instead of 31, everybody will wonder why I didn't eat more. I'm worried that if the sandwiches are stubborn and slow and I only eat 22 of them, everybody will question the legitimacy of my old record. And I'm worried that I'll eat 31 again but that four or five people will eat more, and that two or three of them will eat many more, and that I'll just be an afterthought.

But my biggest concern of all is that there's too much going on inside of my head right now for me to do my best. I've been walking around like a zombie lately. Something inside of me has already given up, and I just hope that I can fix it in time. I don't want to wake up the morning of the contest and wonder where my intensity is. I've done that before, and it sucks. I don't want to get to the contest and stare at the other eaters on stage and imagine how they'll beat me. I've done that too, too many times, and it sucks. I want to wake up as I did that day back in August, when I hopped an early flight to Omaha knowing there was something pecial about the day. I have never felt a feeling of destiny as strong as the one I felt that morning. I didn't know that I would set a world record, but I knew that I needed to be in Nebraska. Something in my heart told me so. I want to feel that way again.

Good luck to you! I hope you get what you want. I think you deserve it. Of course, you're my favorite eater.

-Eater X