Into The Whaler's crystal ball

Some day Joe Hayduck will sell an astounding 53 Lawn Knome (sic) Nativity Sets in a single day at work. It will represent the store's entire inventory of Lawn Knome Nativity Sets except for the broken half of another nativity set, which will sit in the far corner of the store waiting to be sent back to the manufacturer for replacement. One of Joe Hayduck's coworkers, Mike Maple, will look at Joe Hayduck with amazement and the tiniest bit of envy. "How the heck did Joe Hayduck sell 53 Lawn Knome Nativity Sets?" he'll ask himself while scratching the top of his head with his finger.

As the owner of Mike Maple's Lawn Knomes, Mike Maple will be aware that a young man in Nagoya, Japan, holds the world record for Lawn Knome Nativity Sets sold in a single day, 53, and that Joe Hayduck has just tied it. Mike Maple will look at the broken half of a nativity set sitting in the far corner of the store, and then he'll look at Joe Hayduck. He'll realize that with two hours still left in the workday, Joe Hayduck has a chance to set a new world record. Though he'll believe that nobody will ever buy half of a Lawn Knome Nativity Set, he'll hope to encourage his friend to break the record anyway. "Hey, Joe Hayduck!" he'll call out to Joe Hayduck from across the room. "I bet you can't sell this half of a nativity set," he'll say. "I'll bet you a hamburger you can't do it." If Joe Hayduck can break the record, Mike Maple will be happy for Joe Hayduck because Joe Hayduck has been a good friend and a great employee. If Joe Hayduck cannot break the record, Mike Maple will enjoy a free hamburger. Mike Maple is hedging his bets. Either way he'll be happy.

Joe Hayduck will look at the broken half of a nativity set, and then he'll look at Mike Maple, and then he'll think about the half-pound hamburgers they sell at the diner down the street. Joe Hayduck won't have eaten anything all day because he'll have been so busy selling 53 Lawn Knome Nativity Sets. His stomach will growl at the prospect of a warm, greasy meal to fill it. Joe Hayduck will consider the bet for about a half a second and then shout out to Mike Maple, "Okay! You're on. You've got yourself a bet." And then Joe Hayduck will begin focusing his mind on the task at hand: selling the broken half of a Lawn Knome Nativity Set. Joe Hayduck will gaze into the mirror hanging on the wall behind the cash register and talk to his reflection. He'll remind himself of difficult sales he's made in the past, like the one to the lady with the irrational fear of Mike Maple Lawn Knomes. "She was a toughie!" he'll think proudly. He'll tell himself that he can sell that broken half of a Lawn Knome Nativity Set. And then he'll close his eyes for a moment and imagine exactly how he'll do it.

At the end of the day, two hours later, when Joe Hayduck and Mike Maple are closing up the shop, they'll look over to the far corner of the store where the half of a broken nativity set had sat. It won't be there anymore; Joe Hayduck will have sold it.

And as news of Joe Hayduck's new record spreads slowly throughout the country, competitive eaters will find themselves inspired by Joe Hayduck's success. They'll be reminded of another young man from Nagoya, Japan, who holds a world record for eating hot dogs, 53.5 in 12 minutes. Though that record had once boggled their minds, suddenly, because of Joe Hayduck, it won't seem unbreakable.