Chompy is the Eating Challenger Shark Trophy. Only one man (or woman) can posses Chompy, because in addition to his name, these words are written on his side, "I am an eating champion", and there can only be one champion. Today was the first of many eating challenges, an all you can eat pizza buffet at Eatza Pizza.

With a 30 minute time limit the champion would be the one who consumed the most slices without any "reversal of fortune". A number of tactics emerged during the course of the competition, including the obvious scouring for smaller slices, and the surprising delay caused by fresh hot slices. With many different variants of mediocre (at best) pizza, including several sweet dessert styles, you would think it would keep the flavors interesting. But after about 10 slices of poorly made pizza, no novelty sauce or topping really mattered.

There seemed to be a wall at about 15 slices, which is a good five to six more slices than is really comfortable. With a total of nine people we ate 130 pieces, or just over 14 pizza pies (plus some pasta, breadsticks, and soda). With a cost of $4.50 per person we averaged about $0.31 a slice.

So, who is the champion? Here are the standings:

DISQUALIFICATION: Dave Hayden

Dave ate 10 slices, but did not consume the crusts. When asked to comment on his disqualification Dave explained he wasn't in the competition, he was just getting lunch.

9th Place: Steven Frank

With only five slices, Steven Frank ate the least pizza of anyone. He did however, take advantage of both the cheesy breadsticks (4) and the pasta with red sauce.

8th Place: C. S.

With a strange focus on the BBQ chicken pizza and dessert pizza, Cabel seemed to be playing a conceptual game. With only 7 slices he did however set a personal best.

5th Place: Daniel Peterson, Les Pozdena, and Wade Cosgrove

A three-way tie for 5th place with the unlucky 13 pieces they each ate. Wade exceeded his goal of ten, while Daniel was two away (he claims he actually ate 14) from his 15 slice goal, and unfortunately Les was a distant 7 slices from his personal goal of 15 slices.

3rd Place: Alex Pasco, Mike Merrill

With a nice round 15 pieces both Alex and Mike finished their final pieces in a race against the clock to meet their own goals.

2nd Place: J.John Afryl

J.John finished with a strong 18 pieces. After the clock hit zero, he even went and had another two slices, just to show off his eating prowess.

1st Place Eating Champion: Ian Cely

A win by a slice! 19 pieces set Ian as the Pizza Eating Champion and the current holder of Chompy the Eating Challenger Shark Trophy! Congratulations Ian, glad to see getting married has only increased your eating abilities!

The only thing more luxurious than going out to an expensive restaurant is going out to an expensive restaurant and not having to think about how much anything costs. Kevin and I had received a gift certificate for Bernie’s Southern Bistro so we had a decadent evening out.

It’s a little weird because a few years ago I would come to Chez What on Alberta and get loaded on cheap beer while yelling over the Pogues on the stereo, and then there we were on the viney patio of a somewhat upscale restaurant among throngs of northwest Portland type art patrons who’d come out to enjoy Alberta’s Last Thursday quirkiness. What a difference three years can make.

So anyway, this place has a great patio, itself the size of an entire restaurant. It has lots of nice greenery – fuschias and something that could have been wisteria, but I don’t really know what wisteria looks like so maybe not. On a balmy summer afternoon, it’s an idyllic setting for supper or cocktails.

Yeah. The cocktails. Bernie’s has got to be doing something right because they somehow managed to make bright red apple martinis seem classy, not trashy. The glasses had sugared rims and were accompanied by miniature refill carafes in tiny ice baths. I would totally come here just for drinks, especially considering the awesome-looking $3 food menu for happy hour.

Dinner was satisfying Southern fare dressed up just enough to be a little interesting but not pretentious. The fried chicken was tender and mild and came with yummy greens and gravy-rich mashed potatoes. The blackened catfish was doused in a savory, herby, salty sauce and accompanied by juicy tomatoes and okra, with a side of creamy mashed sweet potatoes with a smooth nutmeg sauce. Little buttery squares of cornbread came before the meal in the place of rolls. It would have been nice if they had come with the main dish to round out the spicy flavors, but the mashed potatoes served that purpose equally well.

The service was really good. Despite a full house we didn’t have to wait very long for anything, and the waitress remained aware and considerate of what we needed throughout the meal without being overbearing. Even though we went on Last Thursday, we were able to get a reservation by calling that afternoon, and when we changed the reservation and then arrived late, they were flexible and didn’t get mad or anything. The host told people arriving at the same time we did with no reservations that there was an hour wait, so it’s something to keep in mind.

Bernie’s is a good place to take your parents or other people worth impressing, because it’s nice without being too hip, too conservative or too fancy-pants – nobody is going to feel intimidated or alienated. Dinner for two clocked in at about $50, including entrees, one drink each and the tip. Overall, it was a very tasty evening in very pretty surroundings. Between the satisfying meal and the buzz of the booze I left feeling absolutely calm and content which, to me, is the very essence of luxury.

All the way from New York City, Jared sends in a video report by a close friend who documented his first sip of Mountain Dew: Pitch Black II.

Video: PitchBlackII.mov (8.46 MB)

Check out this fascinating article on Oregon's local farmers from the Willy Week. It does a good job of talking about how the growing consumer consciousness about buying and eating locally is transforming Oregon's agricultural industry. Choice stats: the number of Oregon farms increased by more than 50% over the last 30 years, compared to a 30-40% decline in breadbasket state farm numbers over the same time frame. And according to one study, the average dinner travels 1,500 miles from farm to plate. Good stuff, and it features our farm!

With Rebecca only days away from her fancy dinner promising "special guest food" with "a donut for a bun" Curt and I thought it would be a good idea to teach you all how to make a true southern Luther Burger.

We start with the finest of ingrediants. We used a USDA Grade A ground sirloin patty, a store bought glazed donut, sliced chedder cheese (the actual Luther used white american), and pre-cooked bacon (no mess!).

The ground sirloin patty was of course grilled up on the greatest kitchen appliance known to man, the George Foreman. The great part about the Luther is that is the prep time is so low. The only other thing to do was slice the donut in half and cut the bacon strips. Cutting the donut can be a bit tricky, we recommend one of those bagel cutters, but that's just because we love kitchen gadgets.

Once the burger is complete, just invert the split bun, so the sticky glaze faces inward, and pile on the patty, bacon and cheese. It's amazing how simple this burger is, and yet what a commotion it can cause.

The (in)famous Luther burger could only have been created in the South, birthplace of Krispy Kreme and the Turducken. Recently covered on CNN, written about by the Associated Press and Reuters news services and featured on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the Luther (and its cousin the Hamdog) is drawing a lot of attention to a small neighborhood bar in Decatur, Georgia.

Mulligan's inhabits one end of a former grocery store. The new owners, likely a gang of rogue-Irish golfers, converted the sterile atmosphere of the dairy section into a dark and casual neighborhood bar with a stage, pool tables and a Galaga machine. One of the first things you notice is that the bartenders all seem to be midgets, but this is just an illusion because the bar and pool playing area is on a raised platform, while the staff remain on the ground two feet below the floor. There is a fierce independent streak at Mulligan's, seen from the angry posts about the city's indoor smoking ban to hosting the upcoming Atone Pain Tribe's night of fire, ritual piercing, flesh hooks, and pain.

But enough about the lovely surroundings, let's talk about the Luther. What we're talking about is actually pretty simple. It's not a "pile-on-everything" burger, and it's not an over-sized novelty burger. The only difference between a bacon cheese burger and the Luther is the bun. A halved Krispy Kreme donut magically turns a burger classic into a world famous sign post of the gluttony of America.

So, how is the burger? Surprisingly tasty. It's pure pub food, and on top of that it's a burger made in a kitchen where the culinary highlight is dipping various objects in boiling fat. This is an incredibly creative and subtle modification to a burger, and the fact that it actually tastes good implies some sort of extensive experimentation where various southern foods were applied to a burger until finally -- after eating bites of shrimp, Coke-glazed turkey strips, cotton candy, pork chops, and who knows what else on a burger -- they stumbled on the Krispy Kreme as bun. Did they try it with tomato? Was there bacon on it the first time? And most importantly, have they tried deep frying the whole thing?

There is a theory, which hasn't been sufficiently documented, that the Luther gets its name from R&B singer Luther Vandross, who allegedly was the first to use a donut when he ran out of regular hamburger buns. Despite the potential celebrity involvement, credit for the popularization of the Luther burger remains with Mulligan's continued service of the glazed and grilled concoction.

The aspect of the Luther burger that is most remarkable is of course the bun. What other type of burger gains its notoriety from bun? Why is this attention on the bun so important? Because the bun is a too often ignored aspect of a quality burger. The Luther draws attention to its bun, and in doing so, draws attention to the bun on every burger you eat afterward.