Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition

by Krista Overby and Liz Kellermeyer

"Crazy Legs" Conti and mom, Pat From Moonachie, Erik the Red
David "Brickhouse" Braunstein, Ryan Hobson, Peter Davekos
"Badlands" Booker, Pat Bertoletti, Tim "Eater X" Janus, Justin Mih, Molly Zalcarian and Lauren Rocha

Remember the TV show "Northern Exposure?" The show about the small Alaskan town filled to the brim with lovable eccentrics who spent their days doing weird and wonderful things? If we were to live in a small Alaskan village, or any village for that matter, there are no better people to populate it by than the wonderful people of competitive eating.

We can imagine a place where Tim "Eater X" Janus would run the pizza shop and give sound and thoughtful advice to the customers from the best place to fish to how to heal a rocky marriage. Krazy Kevin would deliver the mail wearing his signature polar bear hat and Beautiful Brian would run the barber shop cutting the hair of the entire town and perhaps spreading a little gossip here and there. Pat Bertoletti would own a Bed and Breakfast known for pretty little pastries, delicious pastas, and the comfy chintz covered bedspreads. We would give the job of local philosopher and radio host to Crazy Legs Conti because we do believe that man could talk for as long as you needed him to, on anything. The Shea brothers would own the local bar and host karaoke nights where the whole town would congregate to listen to Sonya Thomas and Badlands Booker sing their signature duet, "Islands in the Stream." And of course, every Wednesday night would bring a different eating competition where the winner would be able to wear a bright orange cape for the rest of the week to show off their win...until the next Wednesday's event where it would all be up for grabs again.

Is it just us or does this just sound perfect? We don't know what it is, but being around these guys makes you want to spend more and more time with them. Perhaps that's why we want to saturate this imaginary town up with them.

We were given a chance to spend a bit more time with them recently, and we jumped at the chance to see them do their 'thang' up in Boston, this time for the gorging of the Irish American favorite of corned beef and cabbage. Since we are living in Brooklyn this could mean only one thing...road trip! So off we went with one husband, one friend, and one set of directions in tow. How were we to know that Boston was designed to keep interlopers out by having a road system and signs that could confuse even Magellan? Is it just us, or is Boston totally confusing to get around in? Don't get us wrong, we loved the place, it's lovely. The people are completely charming, the architecture is stunning, and the sense of history is palpable, but come on folks...give the out-of-towners a break and get some sense of order up in there. Throw us a grid system or something!

Anyway, on to what is really important: the competition. Held at Faneuil Hall's Ned Devine's Irish pub (it was the day before St. Patrick's Day, after all) we got there just as eaters were starting to arrive. The bar was already starting to fill with the hopeful--and a few guys who we think were just hoping to start drinking as early as possible, which they were given the chance to do when the bar began serving Guinness at 10:30 AM.

After saying a few hellos and getting out of the way of a bossy film crew, we start getting to know some newbies, two of whom are some people of the lady persuasion. Molly Zalcarian and Lauren Rocha, roommates at Emmanuel College who are skipping class to fulfill a dream to compete, only heard they had spots in the competition on Tuesday. They are really excited to meet Eater X after watching him on MTV's True Life: "I'm a Competitive Eater." They aren't the only ones who are fans of Eater X since the episode aired;he seems to be getting a lot more attention these days, Fans recognize him even without his trademark face paint, stopping him on the street or even, as happened recently, surprising him with greetings on the L train.

Another person new to us is Justin Mih, Fulbright Scholar and darn friendly guy who almost falls off his chair when we approach and happento know a few facts about him. Justin, who hates corned beef with a passion, has competed in a few contests out on his home turf of California and is looking forward to competing in more around the country. He's picking up and moving to Boston soon, hoping to become more involved in the competitive eating scene. Although, along with getting more serious about eating comes the need for a good nickname, as no self respecting eater can go too long without a good name. "My friends thought up Justin 'Eat Me' Mih, but I don't know," he tells us uncertainly. We're no experts on nicknames, but something tells us that one might not be quite right. We propose having a nickname contest, which he gets really excited about. At a nearby table, our friends start to think up names while they wait for the contest to begin. "Eat-stein," anyone? "Think n Chew?" "Dr. Chops?" . A nickname would also help Justin from blowing his cover with his family. His mother doesn't approve of his hobby (Justin admits the shock value of being a competitive eater is part of the appeal) and warned him emphatically: "Don't tell your father." That his biomedical engineer son has a secret life gorging himself silly all over the country is still a tightly guarded secret. Let's hope Mr. Mih doesn't like to Google.

After chatting with Justin we notice a lovely lady has entered and been embraced by Crazy Legs. Who could it be? The question doesn't stay in the air long. Once she turns around, anyone who can read the red stitching can easily see it's no other than Crazy Legs Conti's mom. We approach her at once since we don't ordinarily get to chat with someone who actually raised one of these eaters, especially one as fascinating as Crazy Legs. After telling us she let Erik the Red sleep at her house the night before without having met him before, and how she had to employ a milkman when Crazy Legs was growing up to keep up with his massive milk intake (2, 3.5 gallons twice a week), she had us hooked. No wonder her son is so cool. Did we mention Crazy Legs had dyed his goatee green, and was wearing a mint ruffled tuxedo shirt and large green fur leprechaun hat over his dreadlocks? 'Cause he was. And he looked smashing - keep up the good work Conti!

Tim "Eater X" Janus also looked fetching in his coveralls and rubber Wellingtons. Of course The Whaler would make an appearance in Boston. He entertained us with the story of his 3:30 AM trip up to Boston from Manhattan on the Fung Wah bus that morning, in full make-up. While someone else might have done something like that for attention's sake, it's clear Tim is working from necessity only. "I wasn't sure if there was going to be a mirror when I got up here or if I'd have time." It turns out he ends up in public places with his mask on quite a bit. Luckily, New Yorkers-true to spirit-don't look at him twice when's he's in his gear, and when they do halt him he's always a gracious celebrity, stopping to talk to whoever approaches.

Tim and Pat Bertoletti were also taking the time to recount their trip the week before to the Midwest and some local eating contests with Joey Chestnut and Hall Hunt, who were absent from this corned beef contest. It sounds like they had a fantastic time shattering local records and leaving restaurant owners and waitstaff in a daze.. Tim told us how no one could understand the zeal these eaters have for the sport other than the eaters themselves. Over the 46 hours the four of them spent together, Tim said there might have been 30 minutes where they talked of something other than competitive eating. That's a lot of eating talk. Passionate doesn't begin to describe the love these guys have for eating. It makes you wonder if a woman would ever be able to come ahead of this love. She'd have to be pretty special...and just to be safe maybe have some bologna taped to her head or something.

Tim seems confident that this is Bertoletti's contest to lose. He thinks with all the recent training combined with Bertoletti's proven ability to handle the chewy foods, this contest is in the bag. Pat is less certain, though he admits he does his best when he's not feeling confident. "Whenever I feel too confident, I always end up in third place." Though of course he's been training--putting away around six pounds of corned beef and cabbage at home. "You have to get some confidence with the food or you're going to get your ass beat." True enough.

A tall, good-looking guy with a red bandana tied around his head approaches us and puts out his hand to introduce himself. We find ourselves standing face to, er, sternum with none other than Erik the Red, who had flown in all the way from Seattle to compete in what would be his first corned beef and cabbage contest. Though he usually tries to train with the food he'll be competing with, this time he was unable to get a hold of the corned beef he would need. Instead, he made due with practicing on a lot of cabbage, which he really likes. We ask him who he thinks will take today's competition and he hems and haws before guessing he'd put his money on Bertoletti or Tim, though he's eager to watch Badlands Booker in action, too. We can tell he'd like to put himself up there too, but will only say he hopes to eat at least five pounds today. He wonders if they'll have to use forks today, as they had to in the chili cheese fry competition. "I have a really beautiful fork at home that I wanted to bring, but I didn't think it would make it past airport security. You should see it; it's a great fork." He's heading out in the evening to make the Huevos Rancheros contest in Texas the next day. He's hoping they'll be spicy; because he can handle the heat and it will give him an advantage over other competitors.

One person oddly missing from the list of competitors was Cookie Jarvis, 2004's title holder. There had been an erroneous account recently that he was retiring from the sport and a few of the competitors were still talking about the story. Cookie's website, www.hugeeaters.com, now has a banner loudly disputing that rumor, it turns out he is instead "taking a few months off." We, being the intrepid reporters and sharp minded ladies we are, recall him talking about trying out for NBC's Biggest Loser recently. Could it be he secretly made the cut after telling us he hadn't? Could Cookie Jarvis be competing with food in an entirely different manner? By not eating it? Only time and TV will tell.

Another star of the competitive eating circuit is sitting nearby, Pat Philbin, better known simply as "Pat from Moonachie," an XM radio personality and favorite of Opie and Anthony. He has bright eyes and a huge smile, an infectious laugh, and greets us with a firm handshake. He'll only be here until just after the competition, when he has to head to New York for a hardboiled egg competition. For some reason, he's under the misapprehension that Sonya is at the contest. When he learns she's not, he looks visibly relieved and declares with a laugh that in that case, he's next in line to win. He hasn't done corned beef and cabbage before, but thought he should make a showing since he's Irish. "I gotta do it for my people. Fatsos named Patrick!"

He's not the only one relieved that Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas isn't making an appearance. Several of the eaters agree that chewy foods like corned beef just aren't her forte, and she's planning on steering clear of them. Tim mentions that her strength is really in sheer capacity, rather than chewing, and imagines a perfect competition for her would be something like yogurt or gruel. Each eater knows their strengths, and if they don't have a good chance of winning or placing they sometimes don't come. We're thinking a gruel competition could be pretty sweet.

A familiar smiling face approaches, and we reacquaint ourselves with David "Brickhouse" Braunstein, who we'd met at the meatball competition. He's also never done corned beef before, and his line of attack is to go "balls to the wall." He's been training with corned beef and says he, unlike some eaters, doesn't lose the taste for a food after training repeatedly with it. When asked to speculate on a winner, he gives it to Bertoletti, but muses that Erik could be a darkhorse. David gets excited telling us about the upcoming Phillips Crab Cake-Eating competition in Baltimore, where he'll be eating at the end of April. "You should really make it out there for that one; it'll be big." Like true professional athletes and addicts, it seems every eater is always as excited about the next competition as they are for the current one.

As 10:30 AM approaches Rich Shea begins his schpiel and welcomes the large crowd, filled mostly with beer clutching men, to the contest. Eric "Badland" Booker charms us all with a rap from his Ingestion Engine album-- which got a great review in this month's Spin magazine-- and the eaters are corralled into the hallway as the corned beef is wheeled in. Funnily enough, it was eater Ryan Hobson who alerted us to the fact that corned beef and cabbage is not on the Ned Devine menu, a fact which troubles the young Manhattan money trader, originally from Boston, whose father was sitting at the bar enjoying his morning pint o' Guinness. Ryan is not new to competitive eating, but doesn't always lead the pack, so he's not as well known as the others and most people still refer to him as the new kid on the block. He loves corned beef and feels he has a chance to do pretty well, though is concerned he'll start off to fast, which is what usually gets him. We are pulling for him; perhaps we are just suckers for some blue eyes, but Ryan gets us cheering as the eaters are announced.

We have to admit, we were kind of nervous before this contest. Remembering from the meatball competition the powerful effects hot meat fumes can have on observers, we were a bit nervous about the thought of the powerful aroma of corned beef and cabbage entering our nostrils in the early hours of the morning, but it actually isn't that bad. The room is spacious and the plates come out of a warmer looking fairly pleasant, if you are into that sort of basic British peasant type food..

Placed at the center of the tables, as usual, are the contest favorites. Today's top three turn out to be Badlands, Bertoletti, and Tim, though the person garnering the most attention is Peter Davekos, a Boston native and crowd favorite. This is his first professional IFOCE contest and he's thrilled to join the ranks of the world class competitors.

There are so many eaters in this competition, that the table spans the length of the room before jutting off into an L-shape. Rich starts the competition and the eaters lunge towards their plates and begin the gorging. Pat makes little packets with his food, wrapping pieces of corned beef in cabbage leaves and shoving it in his mouth. The usual abundance of liquids didn't place as prominently this time. Tim told us earlier that the watery cabbage will do the work of the liquids in this contest. True to form, Tim attacks the meat first, using the cabbage to wash it down. Badlands Booker alternated between the two, but focused on just getting handfuls into his mouth.
The hardest part of this contest is the amount of chewing you need to do for it. The jaw strength the stronger eaters exhibit is astonishing. There's also a clear rhythmic bounce the top eaters exhibit, that just isn't present in other competitors. Pat Bertoletti, in particular, is in a groove. With his earphones in, and his bounce going on, he's clearly in the zone.

Almost everyone crosses the finish line as the 10 minutes came to an end.

Almost everyone. One competitor couldn't keep it down and when Rich Shea cried out, "Elvis has left the building," everyone knew there was a man down. (Later, when we tell Tim about the "reversal of fortune", he turns around and looks excitedly into the trash bin where the puke was said to have fallen. When we looked on shocked, he says, as only a lover of food--no matter what form--could say, "What? Puke is like snowflakes. There are no two alike.")

Pat Bertoletti easily takes first place and sets a new world record with 5.75 pounds of corned beef and cabbage in 10 minutes, winning $2,500; Badlands Booker comes in second with five pounds, winning $1,250; and Tim "Eater X" Janus brings in third place with 4.75 pounds, which wins him a cool $750.

After the contest we felt like the prom queens when we are invited to stay and hang out with a few of the eaters as they polished off the free tab allotted to them from Ned Devine's. It was nice being able to relax with these guys after the pressure was off and they were able to cool down and bask in the post-eating light. Pat Bertoletti, seems satisfied with his win, but was focusing on the upcoming contests. David Baer, the judge for this competition, originally said that Bertoletti was close enough to 6 pounds that they were going to use that figure for the records, a slight rounding up that Pat didn't want to take credit for. I don't know what we were expecting, but we don't think it would be out of the question to expect a little gloating on Pat's side. He definitely deserved it after just taking home 1st place and a large check. But no - these guys just aren't like that. There is no trash talking, no good humored ribbing; they're happy to hang out and talk about the upcoming Huevos Rancheros contest in South Padre Island, Texas and the Key Lime Pie showdown in Panama City, Florida. Though Crazy Legs had to leave right away for another contest, his sister, Sam sticks around (strong family resemblance, though no urges to competitive eat).

We listen to the eaters displaying that love of eater-speak that Tim explained to us earlier. Tim talks to us about his side job as pizza maker and Pat tells us about a future dream of owning a soup and pasta joint. He says he wants to be the next Soup Nazi, bow tie included. Pat also tells us a funny story about being asked to film a commercial for the USA network's "Show Us Your Character" ad campaign, where he had to sit in front of a large amount of food and answer silly questions. He says he wanted to laugh during the entire thing, but they required him to stay composed. We wish we could get called up to do commercials. Maybe Urban Honking should set us up with a video camera so we can shoot ourselves a commercial for their farm team.

The afternoon progresses and we've long since given up trying to keep up with the drinking, though Erik the Red's friend from Seattle, Heather, is giving it a valiant go. You'd think with most of their stomachs taken up with beef and cabbage the eaters would be a little slower swigging the Guinness, but no chance. When we joke about it to Erik, he downs a fresh Guinness like a Dixie Cup of water, and retrieves himself another. After the Ned Devine's tab runs out we move venues and end up at a small local hangout where the beers are cheap and the jukebox is ready to go. Little did we know that Tim is a jukebox fanatic. He and Pat Bertoletti slip what must be 30 bucks into that thing. Tim can't get enough, programming everything from REO Speedwagon to one of his favorites, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by the Crash Test Dummies. We can almost hear the dulcet tones of Tim's voice as we write this - he knows every word to that song. He also has a lot of other hobbies that you wouldn't necessarily think he would take part in, like crocheting, pet massage, Star Trek conventions, and making up false facts about people (which may or may not be what we are engaged in right now). Believe it or not, they are all hungry. Rounds of chili cheese fries and buffalo wings are ordered up with the next round of beers. They stop the joke before it can begin: "Everyone always thinks it's the funniest thing to ask if we're going to eat everything fast." They eat the food at a normal pace, they drink their beers, and they good-naturedly chat with the locals. You get the feeling an eaters' utopia might include a lot of this.

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