April 2005 Archives

I recently returned from a trip to Spain and Switzerland. While I was in Zuerich, I went to a restaurant called Der Blindekuh. (The name is a pun, since "blinde Kuh" is the name for the game we call Blind Man's Bluff.) It is run completely by blind and sight-impaired people, and it's completely dark. The idea is to give sighted people a sense of what it's like to be blind.

It was a completely fascinating experience. I thought I knew what to expect, but when you enter the dining room and all of a sudden you can't see anything at all, it's pretty shocking. The waitress (who was blind) leads you to a table with you holding on to her shoulders in a train. She then drops you off, tells you where everything is (we were at the bar) and tells you what the bartender's name is. This is very important, because you of course can't meet someone's eyes to get their attention, so if you need anything you say the waiter or bartender's name out loud, and they appear to help you.

In the total dark, against logic, you find yourself straining to see, as if willpower could help you. You don't know where anyone else is, how many people are around you, what the layout of the room is, or anything. It makes you feel vulnerable and much more dependent on the staff. When the bartender came first he touched my hand gently, and I felt so relieved to know where someone was.

I noticed in general that if I wasn't touching anything, I had a weird kind of vertigo feeling, or at least I felt detached. I felt much better with my hands on the bar, or with my shoulder touching my friend's. We also both noticed that we smelled things much more strongly. We knew when someone's fish dish had come out because we could smell it go by, and both of us actively noticed and enjoyed our coffee more than usual. We also had a dessert of chocolate flan, and I found myself much more aware of the texture and temperature of it. It's also extremely difficult to eat when you don't know how much is left, how big the plate is, where on the plate it is...about half the bites I brought to my mouth were empty.

It was really an extraordinary experience, and very affecting. When we came out everything seemed so bright and loud. And after hearing the people around you talking, you start to develop a mental picture of what they look like, but then when you see them they're usually radically different than you thought.

My friend Cyrille told me a funny story about one time he was there, and the Italian woman next to him put her hand on his knee and asked her husband, "is that you?" Cyrille answered in Italian, "no, it's me," and she almost jumped out of her skin.

That doesn't generally happen in a normal restaurant.

When you get home from work, chop up into nice thin strips:
-yellow bell pepper
-some mushrooms
-a carrot
-asparagus

Put it in a bowl with a marinade created from:
-soy sauce
-sesame oil
-olive oil
-whatever spices you want

Get it all gushy and let it sit while you make everything else.

Also: roughly chop some kale and some broccoli, and steam them for just a little while (until they are cooked but still crispy and green) in water and Braggs or soy sauce or whatever. Drain, set aside.

Put peanut butter, soy sauce, lime juice, brown sugar, chili oil, crushed raw garlic, cayenne pepper, crushed red pepper, ginger juice, rice vinegar, rice milk in a bowl and mix up until it tastes right to you and is nice and creamy.

Boil some noodles.

when the noodles are done, heat up a wok or a pan until it is nice a hot, then put the marinated veggies in there and let them sizzle, but just for, like, 45 seconds or a minute. So they are a little bit cooked, but still crunchy.

Then you are ready for Noodle Bowl! Get a big bowl, put the noodles in, put the peanut sauce on the noodles and mix them all up, then put on as much veggies, plus the kale and broccoli you set aside earlier, as you want!

NOODLE BOWL!

this dish is also good cold.

Ugh!! So garlicky and spicy and crunchy and healthy! So many different weird flavors creating a festive atmosphere in your mouth!

I love Noodle Bowl and I hope you will join me in loving it.

You would think that cult-like groups wouldn't be successful is selling flavored drinks. But Kabbalah is no ordinary cult, and the new Kabbahlah energy drink is an energizing formula based on actual holy water!

The website is full of useful information! A list of ingredients, some strangely sparse quotes including MSNBC saying "...Kabbalah Energy Drink tastes better..." with no mention of what it tastes better than. Well, I looked at the MSNBC article and the quote about it tasting better is actually from cult-spokesman Darin Ezra. New York Magazine is quoted as saying, "...this is the pop culture right now..." which doesn't really say anything about the drink. And Yahoo! News simply restates the tagline "new Kabbalah energy drink. ...'Source of Power'." If that is the most positive quote you can get from your press coverage, maybe you shouldn't tell people to "Google "Kabbalah Energy Drink" and see more."

CultNews.com has a nice analysis of the drink.

This is a brilliant marketing strategy. Start a cult that charges celebs a lot of money. Then, use the famous people to lure in desperate rubes and sell them overpriced yarn and other religious accessories. Finally, start mass marketing products and do all this while maintaining your non-profit status and getting free publicity from your devout celebs. Well played Mr. Berg.

One of the great culinary joys of living in the Northwest is the fast-food chain Burgerville. Although it may not have the classic simplicity of In-N-Out, it does a great job of promoting local products. I'm always checking their marquee for new announcements, and making statments like:
"Oh look, it's that time of year again for Walla-Walla onion rings"
or
"Ooh, I can't wait to try sweet potato fries instead of regular fries."

However, nothing gets me more excited than discovering they have a new seasonal milkshake, especially when it is the unbeatable Chocolate Hazelnut shake. I must have gone there on a weekly basis this past season, and now that it is April I am going to have to wait until December for another chance to taste the sweet, sweet hazelnutty goodness.

Or will I?!

While sitting through the disappointing film "Millions" my mind began to wander and I came up with the plan to satisfy my cravings, so I'm no longer at the mercy of the Burgerville shake gods. Here's how it works:

1. Use some good ice cream, I went with Tillamook Chocolate and Caramel Toffee Crunch. Use about 1 cup of each.

2. Use "Just Hazelnut Meal" from Trader Joes or a similar finely chopped up Hazelnut bag. Use 1/2 cup.

3. For a distinct flavor, use 2 tablespoons of Hazelnut flavoring syrup, I prefer Torani.

4. Add 1/2 cup of milk.

5. For my first try I used some chocolate and hazelnut flavored hot cocoa mix, but I'm confident you can omit this step and still achieve milkshake nirvana.

6. Place all ingredients in the blender and mix it up. Be careful not to liquefy, as you want a somewhat thick texture for the hazelnut bits to adhere to.

7. Check for proper thickness before consuming.

8. When satisfied, drink up.

9. Bask in the sweet, sweet glory of success.