Fuckin Wade, Fuckin Ross, Fuck Cars

FROM June 21, 2006

While Dwayne Wade, superhero, was delivering Miami its first title, I was watching a prominent (alleged, ha) Miami drug dealer attempt to rap. Rick Ross should stick to recorded material. Also they should fix the subwoofers on the boat at Chelsea Piers. With Chris Ryan submitting frantic game-related texts -- "HOLY FUCK," "DID YOU SEE THAT?" "OH MY GOD" etc. -- to punctuate the situation, I felt more like a rubbernecker, Ross heaving, an absence of charisma, "Hustlin'" TWICE IN A ROW, me remembering I kinda like the Remy Ma version of "Hustlin'" least as much as the original --"erryday I'm fuckin' him" -- and thinking there's something fundamentally wrong with that, and the whole organization.

Glad to see Miami getting so much love, anyway, because according to Al Gore, scientists, and An Inconvenient Truth, the entire city will be swallowed up by the angry ocean, submerged under melted glacier water, in the next quarter-century or so if we continue using energy, burning coal, and driving cars in the same wasteful fashion as now. Ross and his donk are in fact contributing to the apocalyptic demise of his hometown. Doomed humans - Sweet irony!