Your Cookie's TASTY

FROM December 15, 2003

On Kelis' "In Public" off TASTY: Why must Nas refer to his "erection," awkwardly instructing Kelis to "spread your legs"? Where is R.Kelly, wielding his smooth lyrical bible when you need him? (Picture him as Gandalf with a wand of sexaphors, it's real funny.) As the only Nas/Kelis collab on the album, "In Public" should have striven for at least half the exhilirating passion of "Crazy in Love," but it resonates with all the mystery of a pap smear. The chorus is "Let's get it on in public/oh daddy, won't you let me be your subject"; a line so clumsy I cringe--sans lyrical foreplay, it's just exhibitionism for exhibitionism's sake---the narcisstic thrill of being watched, but very little audible passion. This is absolutely the wrong move compared to the steamy zip-lip their counterparts (/rivals[?]) Jay and Be keep on their thing--that is, at least if Kelis and Nas care about making it to Numero Uno on the hottest couple list in Vibe Awards, 2004.

And if you can judge chemistry by the sound of music, Nasir Jones had best watch out for Andre Benjamin, because "Millionare," his collabo with Kelis on Tasty, throbs with the breathy infatuation of new lovers getting dizzy. Then again, Dre has enough charm and charisma that, on the Love Below, he even sounds hot for Norah Jones, aka one of the coldest-sounding supposedly passionate ladies currently on disc, barring, like, Celine Dion.

More non-celebrity obsessed stuff on that later, as I further spelunk the eros of the most anticipatedly erotic record of the last month, at least. (Sorry if that was grody)

Speaking of tasty, I'm going for a burrito now. In homage, here is how my mom and grandma made enchiladas:
mix a pinch of salt and a bunch of really good chili powder with water to make a slightly watery paste
cover a tortilla evenly with your paste
fry the pasty chili tortilla in oil
dump in a bunch of shredded cheese, onions, peas
roll it up
put in oven at 375 and bake until cheese is melted
eat
go for a really long jog

here is how my mom and grandma made sopa:
fry some DRY, UNCOOKED angel hair pasta, until it is brown and real crunchy
cover in vegetable broth, chopped onions, chopped tomatoes, boiled chicken if you're into that kind of thing
boil and simmer until pasta is cooked
eat
run around the block

For the love of god, it's like the first time I ever ate a vegetable was in like, 1997.