Totally Tubular

FROM December 14, 2003

My "DJ" Night at Tube: An Index

Number of times resident DJ guy had to fix my levels: 2928
Number of times record skipped due to a stiletto heel: 2
Amount of money drunk guy gave me to play "Spoonin' Rap" by Spoonie Gee: $1
Length, in minutes, of "Spoonin' Rap": 20 hours
Amount of times drunk guy's drunk friend asked me if I had any "old school Cypress Hill": 2
Percentage of patrons in bar who were my friends: 97
Number of those friends who are actual, bona fide DJs: 3
Number of those friends who left to go see other friends DJ: 2
Number of those friends who came specifically to hear Roxanne Shante: 2
Number of notches I had to push the levels because Roxanne Shante's Greatest Hits is mastered like ass: 4
Roxanne Shante song played: "Brothers Ain't Shit"
Number of times Kelis' "Milkshake" was requested: 2
Number of times Kelis' "Milkshake" was played: 0
Number of times Nas was played: 0
Number of times Jay-Z was played: 0
Number of times Beyonce was played: 0
Number of times Destiny's Child was played: 2
Number of Destiny's Child tracks played which were garage mash-ups: 2
Amount of money earned: $50
Combined cost of Destiny's Child garage mash-ups: $25.98
Number of Diet Colas consumed: 3
Number of Diet Colas consumed after midnight: 2
Was that a good idea: no