pull up your pants

In the simplest terms, I moved to NYC to get my ass kicked. Tonight, after a run-in with Terror Squad and a woman named Jennifer, my calves and arches went with it.

She is like, level four Andre from Dance it Off. She does not need to army-sergeant her way through class. She is the Thunderbird of dance instructors: silent, stern, aerodynamic, and totally awesome. In her studio, "Rockaway" means "pas de bourre, bump bump flick, feel-your-body-four-counts-look-behind-the-left-foot, pop-sweep and elbow is IN not OUT." In sixteenths. There is a CW that dancers step clumsily and it's trite and often true; but when you look club-footed and the goal is mugging hard, it's just plain embarrassing.

SHE CHOREOGRAPHS THE KNICKS CITY DANCERS.

I'm totally going back next week. I estimate I will be ready to audition for videos in 17 1/2 years.