THE GOP Called and wants me to run for congress
Michael Steele, Chairman of the GOP just called and asked if I wanted to run for congress as a Republican in the 2010 elections. Apparently they are trying to revamp their image?He made a convincing argument, saying that the GOP could no longer afford to be held hostage by its radical fringe elements, and that a more diverse, more mainstream party could actually win elections while keeping true to its founding principles of small government and personal responsibility. As an Asian and a Jew, Michael Steele said, I would be a valuable contribution to a 21st century makeover.
I told him I would think about running, but I would need to come up with a platform, first. Here is a rough sketch of the platform I told him:
-A substantial Carbon Tax, to directly penalize large corporations for their adverse impact on our environment
-poop
-pee
-penis
-poop again
-penis once more
-vagina
-vagina, take two
-Universal health care
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR MY PLATFORM AS A GOP CANDIDATE FOR CONGRESS? LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS.
In High School I was on the debate team with my friend Erik and the classic method of funding any new government program was to slash the budget for new elected officials' office furniture. So you should think of some rad thing, and then slash that budget to pay for it, making it basically FREE for the tax payer.
Also, if elected, say you will NEVER ride in one of those half billion dollar boondoggle helicopters they are making for the President.
And let the people pick what color you tie you wear based on a poll on your senate website page.
whoa, the tie thing is actually a really good idea!
The tie idea is incredible and will surely create votes. As far as the helicopters, I live in upstate New York and those helicopters are about the only thing that creates jobs around here. That and strip clubs. Maybe a pro strip club/anti helicopter platform?
maybe they just want someone to teach them how to use the internets