2. Not to sound too Ann Landers or anything, but couples counseling can be an amazing thing. Do it!

I have been with the same person for about 7 years and there was a time last year when I was feeling the same way you are. I had this same sense of loving my partner but feeling like I’d be just fine on my own, too, maybe even better.

I actually think that feeling like you’d be ok on your own is ok/good– yeah, of COURSE you’d be ok on your own. You’re an intelligent, well-rounded person, life moves on, love will come again, being independent is fun and freeing. What it came down to for me is how much I valued my partner, which is to say A LOT. I value our history, our ernest desire for growth and goodness, our shared community of friends, and more than anything, the way we have so much fun and make such a good team, especially when things are good between us.

So what I ended up doing was going online and finding this book called “I love you but I’m not in love with you”. It’s a horrible title. The book has a hideous and embarrassing cover and quite frankly, it’s a tad sexist in it’s presentation. BUT it has super solid advice and good exercises to help open up your brain to the other partner and see them as a dynamic, sexy, interesting, person. I really recommend it. If you’re in Portland, I’ll give you my copy; it’s not something I proudly display on my living room bookshelf!

Other random ideas that may not be good:
– Have a huge ass fight and see if that sloughs some of the layers off.
– Go somewhere you’ve never been (another country, extreme landscape, whatever) and see what he looks like there.
– Fake it ’til you make it? Start acting really romantic– like overly so– and see what it stirs up!

Preach. Real solid advice as always. I think the solo trip is a great idea. Ideally more than a week. I always feel like I have to cycle through one week and start on a second week before my new situation starts to feel “real”.