Comments on: Les Enfants

By: Vicki

Vicki — Sat, 04 Aug 2012 17:07:53 +0000

Copper IUDs are definitely fantastic, but I want to plug for the Mirena a bit too. YES it has progesterone (or some synthetic version thereof) and YES it lasts five years instead of 10; HOWEVER, since the hormones are released locally (instead of ingested orally and pushed throughout the bloodstream) you get much less hormone in your system (this is what I’ve been told at least). For what it’s worth, I have 0 side effects from my hormonal IUD (except the to me largely positive one of no longer having menstrual cramps or really menstruation at all) and I got so sick on the pill that I had to stop after 2 and a half months, so it must REALLY be a very little bit of progesterone released. I know that the lack of period icks some people out, but I feel like, hey, there’s a lot I do that’s not as Nature intended (cf. not having children at age 13).

Also, I think there’s a lot to be said for looking outside the nuclear family for chances to nurture children. I have 8 nieces and nephews and I get to help raise them in various ways, and I think this is good, and it satisfies my “what if nobody loves me in my old age/remembers me in the future” angst. Thanks for the awesome post!

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 01:24:24 +0000

Here is where I stand: Right now I don’t want kids, but sometimes I catch myself thinking I might. Someday. SO Copper IUD! I got the IUD at age 24, three years ago, and I love it so much. For the first year, I had more painful and heavier periods than ever, but by now they’re totally back to normal. BC I am really paranoid, I went to the doctor and got my blood checked for elevated copper (after reading horror stories on the internets) and all was well. Plus in my state, it was covered by a special grant, so it only cost $70 (covered by some insurance but the deductible made it expensive without this grant). Even if I had paid the whole $400, over 10 years, its the cheapest birth control out there. Spontaneity (i.e. no finding a condom in the dark)/no weird hormones. YES PLEASE!

By: dalas v

dalas v — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 09:40:52 +0000

I’m totally on the same page with you here.

Eventually I will get a vasectomy, although I think there is some amount of “easy for you to say, ladies!” in these comments. It’s still very scary, because as the person who might end up a “worst case scenario,” you read them and then freak out somewhat.

My wife has pretty much the same feelings towards the IUD, which is highly recommended, but the subject of some horror stories, so we’re currently just being super careful.

By: eileen

eileen — Sun, 22 Jul 2012 18:29:20 +0000

We did vasectomy & it was a good plan. However, the discussion amongst partners seems like the main thing here, so. I think opening the doors to the discussion & KEEPING them open until you both feel 100% resolved on a course of action is crucial. Lots of talking, early & often, & about everything you may be the slightest bit concerned about! Even after we made the vasectomy decision, we both needed to talk about it & process what was happening for A While. We were still having discussions of the “so, you’re SURE” variety the night before surgery. Also, surgery fears turned out to be way out of proportion. The actual procedure took maybe 45 minutes outpatient (including waiting), plus 2 days of recovery w/ icepack.

By: Anonymous in PDX

Anonymous in PDX — Sun, 22 Jul 2012 17:16:07 +0000

I’m a male in his early thirties who has been in a handful of semi-serious relationships that have ended because of the children topic… mainly because I have been serious about not wanting to have children for well over a decade. There was the girl who said, “it’s fine if you think that now… you’ll probably change your mind in a few years” .. we broke up a few days later. Five years later, she’s currently due to have her first child in about a month. I’m thankful it’s not mine. Then there was the girl I managed to get pregnant due to a dysfunctional condom… whom I barely knew… and well, when she told me… she wasn’t sure if she wanted an abortion or not. She did want kids. I didn’t. For weeks, I started to have nightmares about what my future was going to look like… with kids I didn’t want. Fortunately, she weighed the pros and cons of having a child with someone who obviously hated the idea of having kids and opted to continue putting it off until she found a suitable partner to raise children with. (huge sigh of relief). The weirdest part of that experience was that she was pissed off when I said we should stop dating because it obviously wasn’t going to be compatible long-term. (but that’s another story entirely)

When we went to take care of the situation, I found myself in the women’s clinic looking over some vasectomy paperwork. It’s starting to look more and more convincing. Despite not being in a serious relationship right now, I think taking the plunge and doing that will definitely reframe future conversations with potential dating/life partners. The conversation of, “do you want to have kids?” me: “No” them: “How do you know you won’t change your mind?” me: “I’ve already made a permanent decision not to.” I feel like this will sell my position on the topic a bit more seriously… because I’ve had a number of people say that I was just being a “typical guy” who doesn’t want to settle down… yet. As if I’m some wild animal that just needs to be caught and tamed. When, in reality, I definitely desire finding a great companion to spend a good chunk of my life with… but I’m more interested in planting a garden with some arugula than planting my (own) seeds.

Now to schedule that damn appointment.

By: ericka

ericka — Sun, 22 Jul 2012 10:31:59 +0000

Also weighing in pro-vasectomy (and NB this comes from a legit Reproductive Expert, Y.T. will vouch for me on that): Vasectomies are 9,000,000 times better than tubal ligations for the following reasons:1. Less invasive = less painful, less risk of infection or other complications.2. As mentioned above, vasectomies really provide a chance for men to step up, Take One For The Team, and acknowledge that contraception, abortion, pregnancy, birth, and/or nursing take a definite (even if WORTH IT) toll on women’s bodies.3. Not enough people talk about this which is why I won’t shut up about it: You can always check to see if a vasectomy is still good. There is a <1% chance, for both vasectomy and tubal ligation, that your body will basically heal itself and you will find yourself capable of reproducing when you have taken great pains to become sterile. There is NO WAY to check to see if a tubal is still good – you just keep not getting pregnant, until what if oops one day you do get pregnant. But men who have had vasectomies can return to their urologists or GPs, offer up a sample, and get a quick semenalysis to make sure they are still shooting blanks.Also, for straight couples who want high-quality, highly-reliable birth control but are spooked by the permanence of surgery, I cannot highly enough recommend the copper IUD, which is incredibly safe, is even MORE EFFECTIVE than tubal ligation, hurts like a period going in, lasts 10 years (you can take it out sooner if you do what everyone says you will do, and change your mind), and is supremely cost-effective. But for real, vasectomy.

By: freddy

freddy — Sun, 22 Jul 2012 06:33:16 +0000

Re: people who had kids who now regret it.