Comments on: Endless Grieving And Dog Acquisition

By: Jamie

Jamie — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:22:21 +0000

I love this advice. So wise and so warmly and kindly delivered!

I have definitely indulged in over-mourning a bad break-up–like throughout years of dating someone else who was wonderful, and even when I married that wonderful person and organized my life so that it was great all around and I was really happy. The habit of nursing that secret sense of loss of what could have been and sort of was but not really and for sure couldn’t have been in any lasting and happy way is super strong (and super dumb and unproductive).

If you can, be kind to your future self by forcing your current self to listen to the advice offered above. And write out the list of what your ex did/didn’t do that ruled him out as an ideal partner. DO NOT mentally compose that list over and over again. Just write it down once be done. Good luck!

By: Jamie

Jamie — Thu, 10 May 2012 18:30:36 +0000

This blog is a fantastic idea and this is such a wonderful and kind response!

Great advice about not letting your mourning of the relationship become a habit. It is so hard to force yourself to put someone or some long experience out of your mind, but tending it and letting live in a secret little place forever is truly the worst.

By: willow

willow — Wed, 09 May 2012 22:35:43 +0000

Such good advice, YT!! All of it. I especially concur with embarrassing-seeming list-making. After my big break up I started a list on my refrigerator of characteristics I wanted my next partner to have (not in response to my previous partner, just as a framework.) Every time I thought of a new one I just wrote it on the fridge- integrity, humor, practical skills, etc. It helped me look ahead and think about what might be out there instead of just what I lost.

Good luck! Break ups are terrible but eventually you feel better! Really!